


Not Like The Movies

by stressedasalways



Series: Written In The Scars [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/M, Fluff, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16160765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stressedasalways/pseuds/stressedasalways
Summary: Today was just a bad day.  The simple mission had gone south.  What started as an easy data extraction ended with you clutching your side trying not to bleed out.  And who should come to your rescue but the reclusive Avenger himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr. The response was, well. way more than I ever expected. So I am now expanding it from a one shot to parts unknown.

_Fuck_

That was the first thought that crossed your mind as the reality of the situation became clear. Firstly, movies and TV lied. Being shot wasn’t some dramatic touch your side, oh no I’m bleeding. Your entire side was on fire. It took all your willpower to just keep pressure on it with your left hand and not just crumple to the floor in the fetal position.

Your eyes raked over the room. The asshole that had surprised you was down, your gun still surprisingly unmoving in your right hand. You took steadying breaths as you quickly took the few steps to the door he entered from. A quick scan of either side cleared the hallway.

You hobbled backwards to the corner of the room, keeping your sights set on the door. When your back hit the wall you finally allowed yourself to slide down. A hiss pushed through your lips as you tried to keep the pressure on the wound that was quickly soaking your entire left side.

“Command come in.”

“Agent. What’s your status?”

“I’ve been hit. “ As if on cue the next breath you take causes the pain to flare up more. “I don’t want to be dramatic here, but I could use some help.”

You could hear the command team talking over each other, trying to figure out what the hell had happened as well as who was closest to your position.

Honestly, you were pretty curious about the what the hell happened part too. You knew how to take care if yourself. You were an Agent of Shield after all. But this was not in the mission parameters. Some of the Avengers came in before the secondary team. They cleared the whole building. Your team was just going through to gain any data that could be grabbed from any computers and servers. It’s a mission you had done more times than you could count. Usually these old Hydra holdouts were empty, and the few that had some stragglers were always taken out long before your team did their sweep. You should have paid more attention, but you weren’t even thinking you were in any danger.

“AGENT!” Someone screamed in your comms.

“Sorry. Sorry. Zoned out for a second there.”

“I need you stay with us, we have help on the way.”

“Yep. Yep. I’ll just be here. Bleeding out.”

You tried to keep the levity in your voice, but damn getting shot was just not part of your plan today. When you woke up this morning you were tired as hell, and had promised yourself you would go to bed early tonight to make up for it. And now? Now you were bleeding out. Clearly, even though before you had hurt like a bitch, the adrenaline was now wearing off and the pain was coming in harder waves.

You made out the sound of footsteps just as they were at the door. You cursed yourself for not paying better attention as you tried your best to keep your gun trained true to the entrance.

“Agent L/N?” The voice was familiar but you still kept your gun trained on the figure that was now coming through the doorway.

You saw him do a full sweep of the room, taking an extra few seconds to make sure the hydra goon on the floor was not breathing. You lowered your gun, but you know he noticed how bad your arm had been shaking.

“Well I’ll be damned, they sent an Avenger for me?” the shock clear in your voice. His lips gave a small twitch. Clearly unsure what to make of your attitude. He made it to you in a few large strides, crouching down to get to your level. “What the hell happened? The squints aren’t supposed to be in danger” you tried to ask casually. As if you had a paper cut rather than a gunshot wound.

“Squints?” he asked, the word sounding completely foreign through his lips.

“Us? You know the second entry team. The computer specialists. The neeeerds.”

“Nerds?” he said the word like an insult, “you took out a Hydra agent.”

“Since when does nerd mean I can’t handle a weapon?” His head quirked up at your response. Amusement flashed through his eyes.

“Speaking of weapons. How about we take the death grip off this one?” as his head nodded in the direction of your gun.

You looked down and saw the knuckles on your right hand ghostly white. A hardened grip on the weapon lowered to the ground beside it. His hand covered yours and felt like a furnace as he removed the gun from your grip, flicking on the safety and tucking it away.

“Shit doll your freezing.”

“Nah, I always run a little cold.” you tried to counter.

“Or it could be the massive blood loss?”

“Or it could be the massive blood loss.” you repeated.

He spoke quickly into his comms, probably letting them know your condition was a bit more dire then you let on.

When you noticed the quiet again you saw he had a large tensor bandage.

“I need you to push away from the wall. Just a little bit. And then we are going to remove your hand and I am going to wrap this around you a few times. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch, and I’m really sorry.”

And his eyes truly were sorry. It’s not like you hadn’t seen Bucky Barnes around the compound. In fact all of the Avengers were pretty common sightings. A few of them would be around during mission briefings and debriefings. You’d see them in the common areas and working out in the gym. They were all nice people. But it all felt very…. high school. They were the cool kids. They tried their best, but at the end of the day they were ‘The Avengers’ Their rooms were on a higher more restricted level of the compound. And you were sure they were much more impressive than the pretty nice room you yourself had at the compound.

For the most part they all kept to themselves. They would make efforts to seem approachable of course. Some way more than others. You were pretty sure Steve Rogers had memorized everyone’s name who lived and worked at the compound. You remembered gossiping to your fellow co workers that he probably had F.R.I.D.A.Y test him. Sam Wilson was most likely to be found with the more normal workers. Laughing and joking as he joined in on drink nights and BBQ’s. You always got the feeling he felt torn between the two worlds.

Tony Stark was all flash. Although you knew it was never with any malice, it always felt like his appearances were more a checkbox on his to do list. But he was nothing if not pleasant the few times you had spoken to him.

Natasha Romanoff usually just gave a nod if you made eye contact with her as you passed her in the hall. Which given her reputation was probably a pretty big deal.

But Barnes? You couldn’t remember ever seeing him outside of work related tasks. Meetings, briefings, that was the only time he was seen. It seemed clear he chose to keep his distance. Rumours swirled that he only worked out at night when no one was awake, or that he stayed in the Avengers area with the smaller gym to not be seen. So to suddenly have the Winter Soldier on his knees tending to your gunshot wound felt odd to say the least.

You managed with his help and your right hand to scoot your butt away from the wall. Without the support behind your back to hold you up, you really felt how weak you were.

“Stay with me now.” He must have seen you falter as his voice was hard, a command.

You nodded your head as you looked down to your left side. Your hand was camouflaged with all the red it was tangled in. There was also a nice little puddle with a huge drag mark from your movement. Your fingers wiggle involuntarily and you could feel the stickiness.

“Shit. That’s a lot of blood.” you whispered. Your mouth went dry with the words. You could feel the dizziness start to envelop you.

His hands were on your face, fully wrapped in flesh and metal. His metal hand was warmer than you expected it to be.

“Stay with me .” his words were softer. No longer feeling like a military command, “I have seen worse.”

You chuckled. “Of course you’ve seen worse. You’re the Winter Soldier. I could be cut into 17 pieces and you could still say you’ve seen worse.”

At that his lips quirked into a small smile. “See? There’s the strong nerd I came here to help.”

This time you actually laughed, but he could see your body sway again.

“Lean into me.”

And you did. Without question. Dropping your head to just below his shoulder. Feeling like all your weight was pushing through him.

“Now I’m going to count to three and you are going to move your hand. And I am going to wrap this as quickly and as tightly as I can. Looks like the bullet went right through. Which is good. But we gotta get this bleeding under control.”

You nodded into him. Trying to focus on the odd smell of leather and gun smoke and something else that was distinctly him hitting your nose.

“One” you took a deep breath.

“Two”, and another.

“Three.”

As soon as you moved your hand off you were hit with all the sensations. You could feel pain ten-fold at your wound, as well as the quick tightness that followed as Barnes quickly wrapped the cloth around your waist several times. 

You tried to muffle your scream but there was no use as the tears started to fall.

“Okay. Okay. It’s done. Breathe. It may be harder with this so tight, but I tried to find a good balance. “ His hand was on your cheek, his thumb rubbing up and down.

He easily picked you up under your arms sliding you back against the wall. You blinked trying to clear your eyes back into focus.

His gorgeous? Wow were his eyes memorizing - were steely focused on you. And suddenly you wished you had had the chance to notice this before. And not on the floor of some dirty grungy Hydra warehouse, while you were bleeding out and feeling like you could die.

“Fuck, getting shot sucks.” you whined.

“Yeah, gotta say I agree with you there. But don’t worry help is on the way. They should be here any minute.”

“Barnes, I’m gonna need you to distract me. Cause I feel like I wanna sleep, and I’m assuming that’s the thing I don’t want to be doing in this situation.” Some of your words slurred as you tried to get them out.

“Bucky. Call me Bucky. And no doll, you gotta keep those eyes open.”

“Okay. So distract away Bucky.” You could see his face go blank. No idea what to do or say, “How about I start. So had I not ruined your mission and got shot, and inevitably added hours of paperwork to your night when I die -”

“you are not dying -”

“the night is still young -”

“You are NOT dying” You rolled your eyes at him so he continued, “And besides, the paperwork is actually easier when someone dies. It’s when someone gets injured that you have to write in all the detail. Death,” He waves his hand. “I can do that paperwork quick. Hell I could do it in my sleep.” And he breaks into a smile that only grows wider as it mirrors your own.

“So your saying to really ruin your night I gotta pull through?” you ask with pure mockery.

“Nothing would ruin my night more than being stuck in debriefings and report hell detailing how I got the… squint? was it? injured.”

“Well I know we only just met officially, but I like the idea of being a pain in your ass.”

“Ha! I’m sure you do!” his whole face was lit up. And somewhere deep in your brain you realized you were flirting with the winter soldier.

“I like the idea of you hunched over paperwork instead of I dunno….taking a nice relaxing jacuzzi tub.” You meant it as a joke but saw his eye twitch in response. “Oh my god! The Avengers rooms have jacuzzis? I thought that was just a rumour.”

“Yeah. Not so much a rumour I guess. But admittedly I have never used it.”

“Bucky! You must! I mean. Geez. I’m not saying my suite isn’t nice. Much better than anything I could afford on the outside. But come on now. You can’t let the little people know you have all these amazing things that you aren’t even using.”

“Tell you what. When your all healed up I’ll bring you on up to take advantage.”

You couldn’t help the twitch of your lips at the suggestion of taking advantage of Bucky Barnes and his jacuzzi.

“So I get the joy of knowing you’re gonna be in paperwork hell and a relaxing jacuzzi night?”

“Well you did get shot.” He deadpanned, fully invested in your flirting distraction.

“True. I may need to bargain for more.” You said with a smirk. 

Before he could even think about his response footsteps were racing to your position. Soon the room was filled with people and you felt yourself being placed on a stretcher. You tried to look for Bucky but soon felt the small stab and burning of an injection in the crook of your arm before the world blissfully turned to black.

—————–***************************————————

Bucky Barnes had been right. The work involved after getting hurt was tedious. No sooner were you awake from surgery, you had superiors in your hospital room trying to get you to tell them what happened

“Do we really have to go over this again?” you were clearly annoyed as you played with your hand around the IV.

“We’re sorry but we have to make sure we have all the details while they are fresh.”

You sighed loudly and dramatically before going through the whole event again.

You were in and out of it for a few days. Once you had been debriefed fully they seemed to up your pain meds and you became a sleeping blob.

A few coworkers and friends had stopped by. Giving well wishes and dropping off magazines and flowers. Even a few Avengers had popped their heads in. Which had been very…surprising?

Sam had been first. Doing his best to make you smile and joking how getting shot was a weird right of passage. Clint and Natasha also stopped by, they had been part of the first team and wanted to apologise for somehow missing the guy that got you. You told them not to worry, and couldn’t help but feel you were part of the cool kids when Natasha returned later leaving a very nice and expensive bottle of Russian vodka with a wink.

But one Mr. Bucky Barnes never stopped by. You started to realize maybe his flirting was just his way to keep you distracted. But damn if it hadn’t felt like there was something there.

Shield was nothing but 100% accommodating. You were on paid leave, and they offered to transport you anywhere offsite to recover. But honestly, you really didn’t have anywhere else to go. Your job had become your life, and at least at the compound you had a steady stream of friends to keep you busy. Besides, telling your mother you had been shot had been hard enough, you couldn’t imagine being in her guest room while she panicked and thought what else could have happened.

So after a week in the medbay they were going to release you back to your room. Strict rest. And the nurses and doctor would still be checking in on you everyday.

Captain Rogers himself had visited you that day, thanking you for your brave service and apologising profusely for the mistake that allowed you to get shot. He was in full Captain America mode and it reminded you of the videos you had seen.

You had to bite your tongue at the snappy responses that wanted to leave your lips. Something told you Rogers wouldn’t take it as well as Barnes had. So you thanked him for his concern and babbled something about being a team.

Once you were settled back in your own room you felt like you could finally breathe. The fridge was stocked with food and snacks, a huge gift basket was on your counter with a note from Tony Stark himself. It said that during your leave all groceries and incidentals would be paid for. All you had to to was let F.R.I.D.A.Y know and the AI would make sure anything you needed would be there ASAP. Well that felt like something you could and would abuse.

Just as you began to open the basket and discover all its goodies you heard a knock on your door.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y can you open the door.”

You continued to dig into the basket when you were interrupted.

“So I guess the ‘little people’ aren’t big on security? They just open their doors to anyone?” Bucky Barnes stood in your entryway. His smile the same flirty one you had convinced yourself was not real.

“Well maybe us ‘little people’ trust our friends and compound mates?”

“You’ve clearly never been pranked by Wilson.”

You broke into a huge smile, and his eyes lit up at your response.

“You know I was beginning to think I had hallucinated the whole being saved by you thing. I expected a visit when I was in the medbay.”

“I told you, the paperwork you made me have to do was intense. In fact I still haven’t finished it yet.”

“Sorry Buck, but I did keep my word to be a pain in your ass.” and you winked at him.

He came over to you at the counter, “What are you doing up, can you at least not be on your feet.” he asked as he pulled out one of the chairs. You flopped down pretty ungraciously as you continued to pull things out.

“Well Stark sent me this very lovely basket and I was just going through it to see what getting shot gets you from Iron Man.”

He picked up the card and read it over, giving you a pointed look.

“I plan on pushing the limits on that.” you said proudly.

“I have no doubts about that doll. Stark never gets me anything when I get shot.”

“Well clearly I am just more liked than you. Plus I’m no Avenger-slash-super soldier. My wound is still here a week later.”

“Semantics.” Bucky waved his hand, “I’m going to be sure to bring this up at the next HR meeting.”

“Says the guy whose room is probably ten times the size of mine. Are you feeling claustrophobic in here? Should I open a window?”

Bucky began to scope your modest apartment out from his seat beside you. He purposely made a show of it. “I mean, if I just pretend I’m in my walk in closet I’ll be okay.”

Your mouth went agape and you playfully pushed his shoulder. He was nice enough to sway his body rather than easily stop the push without trying.

“I’m glad you’re doing better. I am also glad to see your kick butt attitude was not just due to thinking you were going to die.”

“Well to be fair I only thought I was going to die for…90% of the time we were together.”

“What about the other 10%?”

“I thought I must already be dead cause there was no way Bucky ‘The Winter Soldier’ Barnes was helping me.” You could sense he was about to give some witty remark back but you quickly cut him off. “But in all seriousness. Thank you. I know we are all one team, and you would have done it for anyone blah blah blah. But you really helped me down there. Not just in the physically helping me from not bleeding out, but you were great about keeping my mind off of it.” 

It took everything in your power to not shift your hand over his in thanks. Bucky opened and closed his mouth a few times. A bit thrown off from your usual banter to switch to such sincerity. But finally his thoughts seemed to catch up to his mouth.

“Of course, I was glad I could help….and if I am being serious I’m sorry I didn’t visit you in the medbay. Me and hospitals….we don’t really mesh all that well. Bad history and all.”

“Oh, don’t even worry. You didn’t miss much other than _hours and hours_ of debrief. Like you were not joking about that at all. Then there was the few days where I was high as a kite and sleeping. I’m sure I drooled and said some silly stuff, so maybe you should be a bit upset you missed out on that fine entertainment.”

He chuckled, “I think I may just be.”

“But you did miss some of the other cool kids coming down to visit me.”

He quickly caught on that you meant some of the Avengers and his face actually looked surprised.

“Who visited you?”

“Well Wilson was first. But he wasn’t all that surprising. He’s a pretty normal face in the common areas. But then Clint and Natasha came down. Natasha even came back and brought me a bottle of vodka!” You looked around seeing it on the counter beside the fridge.

Bucky hummed. He seemed surprised by that as well but tried to keep his reactions minimal.

“And Captain America!” you beamed.

“Steve? Steve visited you?” Now his shock was harder for him to hide.

“Well he was most certainly in full Captain America mode when he visited me. He reminded me of the videos shown in schools.”

You could see in his face he was hiding something.

“What?”

“I think some of their visits may have been because of me.”

“Because of you?” your curiosity was peaked.

“I mean. God this is really embarrassing. I mean the group obviously heard I had been the one to go back to rescue the shot agent. And I had talked to Steve about how kick ass you were and brave and funny.”

You couldn’t stop the huge grin that was taking over your whole face.

“And they knew I wasn’t going to go to the medbay so I guess some of them took it upon themselves to go down.”

You were hit with the sudden realization that Bucky had been talking to the other Avengers about you. And that some of them wanted to see who you were.

“You’ve been talking about me?” you couldn’t help but mock.

You could see him squirming in his seat. Usually you would relish in it. But the thought of making him feel uncomfortable around you was the last thing you wanted.

“Don’t worry about it Bucky. I would have been telling people too but I know how gossipy everyone can be. Good to know that’s the same even in the golden floors of the Avengers.”

“Should we get you something to eat?” Bucky asked clearly relieved to have an out from the awkwardness.

“Absolutely! Let’s see if this Stark card gets us access to some pizza from Manhattan.”

45 min later you were both on your couch with the fresh pies that had been delivered by drone. The TV was playing the latest Rock action movie. Still in theaters.

“I don’t think Stark had this in mind for your incidental recovery fund.” Bucky snickered while grabbing a slice.

“Well Mr Stark is a businessman. He should know that these things should have contracts and stipulations. If not it’s really easy for me to convince that anything is for me to get better. But if your feeling guilty you do not have to be my accomplice. I can take that slice back…”

You went to grab for it but he stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. Pulling away from your reaching arms.

As you reached over you automatically tried to follow his retreating form which caused you to overstretch your still healing side.

“Dammit!” you hissed grabbing at your wounds.

“Shit I’m so sorry. Are you okay? Did you open any stitches? “ Bucky’s voice was laced with guilt.

You lifted up the side of your shirt. The bandages were all still bright white.

“No no. I’m good. Just forgot about the hole in my body.”

“What can I do?”

“If you could grab me a slice.” Bucky was on it before the words fully left your lips. In fact he put two slices on your plate. Then grabbed your drink and held it in his hand so he could give it to you whenever you needed it.

He was so remarkably sweet, and you couldn’t believe there was a very large part of you that was happy you had been shot.

“Anything else?”

“For now I’m good. But we will just make sure to add this to our bargaining list for later.” you said smugly while taking a big bite and turning your attention back to the movie.

Had you seen his face you would have seen him glowing as he looked at you. Frozen staring at you for a good thirty seconds before an explosion on the TV caught his attention. He quickly grabbed another slice for himself with his other hand and tried his best to eat one handed.


	2. Chapter 2

Since you were still stuck to a form of a sponge wash - gross - to avoid your stitches for a few more days, you were still in the bathroom trying to feel a semblance of normal. A whole two hours after you had come in originally. You felt you were working out more of a sweat then you were actually cleaning off yourself.

“Agent L/N. Sergeant Barnes is at your door.” F.R.I.D.A.Y seemed to cheerfully tell you. You knew it had to be your imagination but the AI seemed almost as excited as you. 

“Let him in. Just let him know I'm just finishing up in the shower and will be right out.”

“Of course.”

You could feel your heartbeat racing. Even though he had just been here last night when you got discharged you were beyond excited he had taken you up on your offer for another hang out session today. 

You threw your hair up, there was not much you could do for it. There was really no sense in trying too hard. You were in sweats and a t shirt anyway, and the man had literally seen you bleeding on the floor. Anything above that was an improvement. 

You quickly opened the bathroom door and jumped out. Seemingly trying to catch him snooping around your apartment. But he was just standing in the living room with his eyebrows raised at your dramatic entrance. 

“What was that?” he looked at you like you were crazy.

“I was trying to catch you in the act of snooping around.” you answered as if it was the most obvious answer. 

“So let me get this straight. You thought by jumping out of the bathroom where I already knew you were. You would catch me. A spy. No…. THE spy in the act of spying.” you could see the twinkle in his eyes and nothing gave you more joy than knowing you were the cause. 

“Well when you say it that way…” you trailed off as you made your way to the couch. 

He was quick to follow suit and sit down right beside you. 

“So how was your Avenger filled day?” you asked giving him your full undivided attention. 

He snickered but still entertained your request. “Pretty quiet actually. Nothing on my docket so spent most of the day just working out.”

“Okay. Question time. Where? I mean I admit I was never a gym fiend even before my untimely shooting. But no one ever saw you at the gym.”

“You keeping tabs on me doll?”. God it killed you when he called you that. The charm just oozed off of him and you wanted nothing more than to soak it all in. 

“Are you going to pretend you didn't use your Avenger or spy powers to look into my file?” His smug face cracked for only a second but you saw it. “Oh my god! You did didn't you?” 

“Well I mean I had to do all the paperwork...So it required added notes to your file, and maybe I glanced at a few sections.” he tried to rationalize but you both knew he was full of it. 

“We are adding that to the bargaining list!” you pointed at him with fake anger. 

“I feel like I'm always going to owe you on that list.” he snickered. 

“Your instincts are accurate. But for now. You at the very least owe me an answer since I don't have access to spy on your records to get it.”

He put up both hands in defeat. “Yeah yeah. I tend to workout in the smaller gym that's upstairs. Sometimes when I can't sleep I may go down to the main gym when I know it's empty.”

So again the gossip and rumours had been true. 

“But why?”

“Y/N, you are amazing. Your optimism is contagious. I wish everyone in this compound was like you.”

You could feel your face twisting into confusion. You really didn't understand where he was going with this. 

“I'm the Winter Soldier. A lot of people still aren't comfortable with that.”

“ _Were_ the winter solider " you corrected, "But you're an Avenger. This is the Avengers compound. I mean if anything you have more right to be here than almost everyone here. And why should you have to use the smaller shittier gym. I mean maybe it's not shittier. I wouldn’t know since I’m not worthy of seeing it. But since even you called it smaller it's obviously not the better gym, and if anyone needs to keep up his strength its the freaking super soldier.” you were rambling but you couldn't help it.

He smiled at you, “It’s okay. I have things I need to atone for. Using the smaller gym is a very small price to pay.”

“Is that why you’re not really around? I mean people only see you at work things. Never outside of them.” He shrugged in response. “Isn’t that lonely?” you whispered.

“I choose my circle carefully. And I am quite happy with the people I have chosen.” He made sure to make direct eye contact with you then. You still weren’t sure how getting shot had somehow led you to being in his orbit. But god dammit you were so happy it had. You gave him your best smile while trying to not let you eyes water.

“So what did you do with your paid leave day?” he asked giving you both the out you needed from the seriousness that had overtaken the room.

“Well...I slept in which was pretty damn glorious if I do say so myself. I had a rainbow bagel droned in fresh from the city for breakfast. Still warm I may add. Stark does have amazing machines at work-”

“- he is going to freak out when he realizes.” he laughed, his hand covering his mouth.

“I resent that accusation! I am merely taking advantage of the gift he offered me.” You grabbed your tablet off the coffee table in front of you, quickly unlocking it and handing it to Bucky. “That’s Buzzfeed’s list of 100 foods you must have in NYC.”

“And you have handed me this list why?”

“Because this is what you and me must conquer.”

As Bucky quickly scrolled down the page he saw the rainbow bagel you had mentioned. Suddenly what you were saying became crystal clear.

“You aren’t?” he laughed

“This is no laughing matter Bucky. This is what will make me feel better and will make my life easier. I already ordered dinner for us from the steakhouse at number 78 and the cheesecake from number 34. It should be here in the next 10ish minutes”

“I can’t help but notice you said for us?”

“Well of course. It’s no fun to eat alone. This also makes me feel better.”

“And?” Bucky asked, seeing the mischievous light in your eyes.

“And…” you continued with a devilish smirk on your face. “If Stark were to find out and disagree with my reasoning that this is all needed for my health and well being. It would help to have an Avenger on my side.” you raised your eyebrow at him, “We are bargaining here Bucky.”

Bucky could not hold in his laughter. It came from so deep within his chest that he had to hold his flesh hand to his stomach to help from doubling over. Your smile only grew wider in response.

As if on perfect cue two drones flew in from your open window, depositing bags on your kitchen counter before leaving from the window they came in from.

“So? What do you say? Added to the list?”

When Bucky looked back at this moment he would always remember it as the time he knew he was putty in your hands. But at the time he managed to keep his cool.

“Added, only cause these foods look really good, and quite honestly I think you’d give Stark a run for his money and probably won’t even need me.” 

“Excellent. F.R.I.D.A.Y can you please add that to mine and Bucky’s list.” you said with a wide smile as you got up to open the bags of food. “Can you please list the current agreements”

“Of course. One - Sergeant Barnes will do the life crushing paperwork since you got shot. Which by all accounts has been completed in full. Two - You will get to take advantage of Sergeant Barnes’ jacuzzi when medically cleared. Three - Sergeant Barnes will join you in your quest to eat Buzzfeed’s 100 top NYC eats. Three-point-one. Sergeant Barnes will protect you from Mr Stark if and when he finds out and gets upset.” F.R.I.D.A.Y quickly rattled off the current list.

“You. Did. Not. Just. Do. That” Bucky was in shock beside you. He had gotten up to help set up dinner but had stopped dead in his tracks as the AI had said the list out loud.

“Oh, Bucky. You have so much to learn about me.” and for once you could not help yourself and booped his nose with a smile before moving your eyes and solely focusing on putting out the dinner so you couldn't see his reaction.

________________________********************************________________________

This was how the next few days went. Bucky would do whatever it was that Bucky did during his days. But after work he would show up at your apartment, you’d laugh, joke, flirt and eat ridiculous food while watching something equally as silly on the TV.

Bucky had a list of TV shows and movies he had wanted to see, and you were more than happy to join him for some of them. At least the ones you deemed not boring anyway.

You had been discharged from the medbay for a week and today the nurse was joined by the doctor.

“Everything is looking great. I’ve put some fresh steri-strips on your wounds but that's me just being extra cautious. I can clear you for normal showers and away from full rest. We won’t start PT for a little while yet. But it’s time for you to start walking around, stretching out and getting your energy levels back up.”

You jumped up and hugged Dr. Reynolds. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

He laughed and awkwardly loosened you from around his neck. “Drop by in a week so we can take another look and see how you are feeling. Of course we are always here if you need anything, but I think we are done here.”

As soon as the Doctor and the nurse left you blasted your music, you couldn’t wait to shower...no walk...no shower...it was all just too exciting.

You looked at the clock, it was still early. So a shower it was. And oh my god real clothes. You couldn’t wait.

Bucky showed up at your apartment as usual and the AI now just unlocked the door for him. It was really insane how quickly you had integrated into each others lives.

When he walked in he stopped dead in his tracks. You were just a few feet away, posing for him with your hands on your hips and a goofy smile. You were wearing fitted jeans and a top that hit just the right places. Your hair was finally washed properly and styled how you usually liked it. You’d even taken the time to throw on some simple makeup. You did a ridiculous twirl.

“Look Bucky! I’m not the shot blob anymore. I am a clean dressed human being ready to spread her wings and see the world!” you cheered.

“And where in the world would you be wanting to spread those wings to this evening?”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, if you don’t mind.”

“Agent L/N has added item number four to the list if Sergeant Barnes agrees.” The AI spoke to them both.

“I really don’t understand why you keep this all so official doll.” He laughed

“Because if it's not _official_ then it's not _official_ Bucky.” you state as you motion for him to let the AI continue.

He sighed at your silliness but as always gave in. “And what is item number four F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Y/N would like and I quote ‘to be given a tour of the golden magical restricted areas the cool kids aka the Avengers hide that the little people are never allowed to see’ end quote.”

You quirked your eyebrows at him. “I got the all clear from the doc to start walking around, and since I haven't been given the all clear for being submerged in the jacuzzi I figured this would be fun. Besides you already know all about how I live, I think it’s only fair you return the favour.”

“You are absolutely ridiculous you know?” he said with a laugh. But coming from him it was always filled with the emotion of a much deeper confession.

“I know.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y I accept item number four...Shall we?” and he held his right arm out for you to wrap your arm through.

“Always such a gentlemen Barnes.” you smiled as you jumped over and quickly linked your arm with his.

You skipped. Actually skipped as you pulled him along to where the Avengers private access elevator was. 

“I think you may be thinking way too highly about what you are walking into here.” he laughed as he elongated his strides to not be dragged by your bouncy steps. 

“Impossible. I don't believe for a second the area where Tony Stark has a room when he’s here is anything less than the amazingness I am picturing in my head.”

You finally let go of Bucky’s arm when you got to the elevator. You stopped in front of it mimicking the opening of the door with your hands while you looked to him to do whatever he needed to do to make the door open.

But he didn’t do anything. You looked around in confusion as the doors opened all on their own.

“But...wait...huh?”

He snickered at your response as he lightly pushed you in.

“Where’s the retinal scan, the voice scan, the DNA scan, the laser beam verification? Are you saying I could have just come on up at anytime?”

“When we are not in any jeopardy and at a low security level F.R.I.D.A.Y is in charge of access. So since she knows I am here, she opened the door.”

The ride was quick, and as the doors opened you were still going on about the security.

“So your saying I could have hid behind say a planter and just waited for an Avenger to walk by and the door would have opened and I could have just snuck on up?” 

“No. Definitely not. You know F.R.I.D.A.Y better than that.” he laughed as you now walked into the Avengers common room. 

It took you a second to get out the jokes you were sending Bucky’s way and realize you were in the oh so secretive golden floor. It was exactly as you expected it to be. Grand and glorious.

“You are a dirty liar Barnes.” you smirked as you skipped off to the open concept kitchen that was closest to where you were.

You opened up the fridge and freezer making comments on everything you saw. No cupboard or pantry went unchecked and commented on and Bucky just followed you with a goofy grin on his face.

You came across a machine you had never seen before. The top was digital but below it looked like a beverage dispenser.

“What is this?” you started clicking on the display when it became clear it was a full service beverage maker. Smoothies, frappuccinos, specialty coffees and teas, mixed cocktails. It could do it all.

You looked back at Bucky with your jaw practically on the floor.

“I want to marry this machine Bucky.”

“I don’t think the world is ready for the machine/human relationship doll. But feel free to make yourself a drink.”

You dramatically placed your hands on your cheeks, your mouth wide open. “So many choices.”

“Well I’m sure you can work your way through them”

“Are you saying this is not a one time invitation to the golden floor?” you asked innocently.

“I would certainly hope not.” he whispered back.

You bit your lip, this flirting game was always pushing you to the edge. But in the end you knew you had to let him lead this. But damn he made it feel like flirting warfare.

“Can I make you something?” you asked him.

“I can make my own, you don’t need to serve me.”

“But I want to push the buttons Bucky. Don’t take away my fun!”

And just like that the unspoken tension was broken by his laughter.

Next you ran over to the common living area. It had a huge sectional couch along with very comfy recliners all facing towards an obnoxiously large TV.

“Oh my god! Why were we watching movies on my tiny TV when you had this?”

“Because you were on strict rest. And when I even joked about getting you a wheelchair to leave the room you threatened me with bodily harm.” he laughed.

“Well that's just unfair. I didn’t have all the information.” You pouted as you took turns sitting in every seat.

Once you had tested every seat and ‘oooh’d’ and ‘awww’d’ you got up and rubbed your hands together. “Where next?”

He led you down one of the hallways. There was a door in the middle as well as at the very end. He walked to the very end and the door opened automatically.

He let you in first as you took in the space. It was a very gorgeous living room. There were pictures and art on all the walls. It was not what you had been expecting at all. The whole compound was very modern, but this, this felt like a home. You quickly looked at him for permission but saw nothing but encouragement in his eyes.

You walked to the closest wall taking in what was in the frames. There were older pictures, faded and discolored around the edges. But the faces were impossible to miss. They were old pictures of Bucky and Steve.

“Look at you two.” you whispered to no one in particular as you went from picture to picture. There was something so pure and innocent. You could see it in his eyes. Pre war, pre serum, pre soldier.

Before you could move on you were interrupted by the sound of the main door opening and Steve Rogers walking in.

“Hey Buck…..oh….I’m sorry didn’t know we had company.” he stopped in his tracks when he saw you.

You looked to Bucky and then back to Steve. You felt like a literal idiot because you had no idea what to address him as. 

“Cap?” you squeaked out

He smiled at you, “Steve is just fine. Nice to see you up and about Y/N.”

“Of course. Steve. Yeah I just got the all clear to do some walking around today, so Bucky was gracious enough to offer - “

“-forced.” Bucky said behind a fake cough.

You looked at Bucky with complete shock. “Offered.” you again challenged as he snickered before you turned back to Steve. “As I was saying, offered to show me around and get me moving. I apologize, I didn’t mean to intrude on your personal space. We only just got here so my tour guide had yet to mention you guys lived together.”

“You could never intrude. Any friend,“ you heard Steve stutter on the f word but you all pretended to not notice. “of Bucky’s is more than welcome to our place. From what I’ve heard he’s made himself quite at home at your place. So it's only fair for us to return the favour.”

“Is that an official invitation Steve?” you asked and Steve could sense the private joke between you and Bucky.

“Be careful Stevie, she takes her official things very officially.” Bucky chuckled.

Steve smirked at the two of you, “Yeah, that’s an official invitation.”

“Excellent.” you smiled. “Steve, did you have any plans for dinner tonight? I was just getting ready to order in.”

“Oh,” Steve looked at Bucky, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your guys plans.”

You cut in before Bucky could respond. “Absolutely not. Besides I have a feeling you will really enjoy what I have in mind.”

An hour later the drones arrived.

“No” Steve whispered is disbelief. “I know that smell.”

You smiled at the two friends as you went to open up the massive bags.

“Are these from Coney Island?” Bucky asked hopefully.

“Of course. Only the best for my friends and for my health.” you snickered

“Your health?” Steve asked as he started to help unloading the large amounts of food.

“Oh Steve, it's probably better if you don’t ask. It just makes you an accomplice like me. But doll.“ He paused, looking at the food. You had clearly ordered with two super soldiers in mind. There were dozens of hot dogs and corn dogs along with crinkle cut fries and who knows what else, “There is no way he’s not gonna notice this.”

You raised your eyebrows and mouthed ‘worth it’ as you watched Steve’s face light up with his first mouthful. Bucky smiled before jumping in himself.

Dinner had been amazing. You could sit and listen to Steve and Bucky talk about their childhoods forever. There was so much history and love there. It now made total sense why the two of them had chosen to share a common space rather than be completely separated.

You had seen Bucky be light and carefree. But this...this was just another level.

“Geez Louise look how late it is.” Steve suddenly said taking you out of your thoughts.

“Geez Louise?” you mocked right back at him.

“Hey now, its not nice to mock an 100 year old man.” he shot back at you.

“But that's literally my entire relationship with Bucky, what else would we talk about?” you laughed. Bucky lightly flicked your arm while briefly sticking out his tongue.

Steve shook his head, “Well regardless this old man needs to hit the sack. But feel free to stay up. You don’t have to head down on my accord.”

“I appreciate that Steve, but honestly I’m a bit tired myself. Hole through my body and all. Today was a pretty exciting day and I’m starting to feel it.”

“Well have a great night. And thank you. For….well all of this. I haven't had this much fun talking about the past in a while.”

“You’re very welcome. I can't wait to do it again.” You smiled as he gave you a larger smile in return. He slapped Bucky on the shoulder roughly before making his way to what you assumed was his room.

“Come on doll, I’ll walk you back to your place.” Bucky said as he got up and helped pull your chair out.

He held out his arm again and just like hours before you linked yourself to him. Although this time you were no longer skipping, but hugging him tight to your side, the exhaustion from the day starting to hit.

“I never got to see your room or the shitty gym or the famous tub.” you jokingly whined as you leaned your head against his shoulder.

“Well that's what next time is for.” he whispered back as you made your way out to the Avengers common area.

As you walked by you didn’t see that Sam and Natasha were watching from the living room as you two made your way to the elevator.

By time you made it to your door you literally could not wait to hit your pillow. Your heart suddenly began to flutter. This was a moment. You were standing outside your door. It was so cliche, but damn….This would be the perfect time for him to give you a goodnight kiss.

“Thank you for a great night Bucky.”

“I always feel like I should be thanking you more than you should be thanking me.”

“Agree to disagree then.” you smiled.

This was it. You could feel it. He hesitated a moment before leaning in and...giving you a big hug.

You squeezed tight. For now this would just have to be enough. The hug went on a bit longer than it probably should have, but when you let go there didn’t seem to be any awkwardness there.

“Hangout again tomorrow?” you asked, only slightly embarrassed how your voice gave away some of your desperation.

“Of course. But make sure you rest up. I think we may have done too much today.”

“I promise. Night Bucky.”

“Night Doll.”

And there it was, that doll that always made your knees go weak. Whispered seductively just before you headed to bed. Damn you Bucky Barnes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your comments, kudos and just overall love and support. I'm currently working on part 4 of this, with at least 1 or more parts to go. Leave me comments, they feed my inner muse who then skips sleep to write more lol


	3. Chapter 3

You skipped back to the golden elevator. Since you were by yourself it of course did absolutely nothing.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?”

“Agent L/N”

“Can you open the elevator?”

“I’m sorry Agent L/N you do not have access to this elevator.” You scrunched up your face and waited the few minutes before it did open with Bucky inside smiling.

“What’s with the face?” he immediately asked as you came in.

“It wouldn’t open for me.” you fake pouted. 

Bucky snickered. “Just because you think F.R.I.D.A.Y and you have some friendship does not mean she will grant you access to a restricted area.”

“I thought me and her had an understanding.”

He rolled his eyes at you as the doors opened to the Avengers common room. You immediately beelined to the fancy drink machine getting yourself the next creation on your to be tried list.

“I’m starting to think you are only my friend because of that machine.” he laughed as he saw you take a large sip of your concoction, a huge smile of contentment on your face.

“I guess the jigs up Buckster. It was all part of my master plan. Getting shot, making your think I’m so amazing that you invite me up the the golden floor. And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling F.R.I.D.A.Y not letting me up solo.”

“You are the most ridiculous person I know doll.”

To stop your knees from buckling you shoved your drink in his face, “Whaddya think?”

To his credit he only looked at it strangely for a second before taking the drink from your hand and taking a sip. “Hmmm. Not bad.” he licked his lips and you could feel the blood rush to your cheeks.

“Good, you can have that one then while I make something else.”

“You don’t like it?

“Oh no, I actually think it's amazing. But I just have way too many drinks to try and not enough stomach or bladder or time to try them all.”

“Maybe you need to do what those wine tasters do. Line them all up and spit out after you try them.”

Your eyes got huge with the idea.

“No, no , no” he laughed. “That was not a real suggestion.”

“Well no of course not.” you could see relief wash over his face. “I could never spit these amazing drinks out. But I could just take a small sip of each one until I tried them all.”

“Uhhhhhhhhh” Bucky had no idea what to say.

“I love nothing more than watching you squirm Barnes. Now I believe you owe me the rest of the tour.”

You looked around at the sad looking gym. I mean, if you were staying at a Holiday Inn it may have been impressive. But as the private gym on the Avengers floor. It was shit.

It was clear this room was originally something else. Storage or maybe originally a part of a unit. But it has since been retrofitted with some sound paneling, a few machines, some weights and what appeared to be one the super soldier punching bags.

“This gym is depressing Bucky. It’s making me sad. It is literally stealing the happiness of the drink machine from my soul.”

“Don’t be so over dramatic.”

“I am never over dramatic, I am always the perfect level of dramatic. By the way, I spoke to Emma today, I’m going to start my PT tomorrow.”

“That's great! It means your healing up nicely.” Your face was squished up with thought and Bucky knew he was about to be convinced of something. 

“Eh. She wants me back to rookie shape. ROOKIE. SHAPE. Do you know how much I hated my life when I was in rookie shape. A lot. It meant long workouts and running and god cutting out carbs and sugar!” You very dramatically placed your hand over your forehead, really playing it up.

“Never over dramatic my ass.”

You glared between your fingers. “Now none of that, especially when we are about to bargain.” Bucky took a deep breath. “So since it's your fault I was shot.”

“Now wait a minute, we never established that. I wasn’t even the one that sweeped that section.”

“He who smelt it dealt it Bucky.”

“What?!”

“You were the one that came to help cause you were the closest, cause it was your fault. Case closed, moving along.”

“No, No’ he laughed. “No moving on.”

“So you’re saying you want me to ask Romanoff whose fault it was. Or Barton? What are the chances they say it was their fault? What are the chances they blame the other one? Now what are the chances they blame you, the outsider who is not their closest friend.”

Bucky was at a loss. He swore you could sell sand in the desert.

“So now that we’ve established it was your fault I was shot. It is now also your fault I must give up good food, and work out even harder then I did when I was in some semblance of shape so I can match what I was when I was young.”

“Young? When was this a whole 3 years ago.”

“Shh… We are bargaining. This requires tact.”

Bucky sighed but could not hide the twitch of a smile.

“So, as I was saying. I now must work out, 5 days a week. And I am going to hate it. I even hate the idea of it. But you know what I hate more? Doing it alone. I need a gym buddy. Someone to help motivate me and keep me going. And destiny has chosen you Bucky because you owe me because you got me shot.” you always said the shot part dripping with sarcasm to make sure he knew there was no real blame. “Now Emma could probably be convinced to come up to this sad sad shell of a room. But it doesn't have the equipment I need. So then I won’t be getting the treatment I need to fully heal. And before you say you will move stuff or do whatever to bring my equipment in here. That still wouldn't help. Because this room is sad Bucky. It is the shitty gym. It's the main gyms sad inbred cousin who people are shocked has not been hit by a car crossing the street. I need the good gym Bucky, not only for my body but for my soul. Don’t make me work out in this sad gym. Cause then I will cry, and I’m sure it's hard to be all super duper soldier man with a sobbing woman in the corner.”

Bucky just shook his head. “Are you quite done?”

“Possibly.” you crossed your arms trying to look intimidating.

“I mean you were shot.” he said in the same flirty tone he had said in the Hydra warehouse.

“I was.” you smirked, already sensing your win.

“Fine, I will try my best to join you when you have PT. Mission dependent of course.”

And you leaped at him. He wasn’t expecting it but he managed to catch you as your wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you Bucky!” You knew this was a big deal for him. A really big deal. He was agreeing to put himself out there for you.

As you pulled away you sensed his hesitation as your faces were only inches apart, but the moment quickly passed as you settled your feet back on the floor.

“Now....off to the jacuzzi!”

The ensuite was obviously attached to Bucky’s room. You made the conscious decision to try your best to walk right through. Focusing on the place where he slept, being with him in front of his nice big bed? No. That was not an option right now.

The bathroom was insane. It literally could have been from any 5 star hotel. Which it probably was. You’d never thought about it, but it would make sense that Stark would have it designed by some fancy designer person. The shower was huge and encased in glass, it had the overhead rain spray as well as shower heads all over the walls.

“I’ve only ever seen a shower like this in a magazine. I mean...wow. Does it feel absolutely amazing.”

“You are going to get mad at me again.”

“ _No_ Bucky do not tell me you don’t use all the options?” You could not believe this man.

“Sorry. I don’t need all those buttons and switches to just get clean. Showers are not meant to be this complicated.”

You sighed, “But, I mean, look at it! Ugh” you walked out of the shower and made your way to the tub. “I guess I will just have to teach you how amazing this shower can be.”

Thank god your back was turned to him. You did not mean to say that. Okay - maybe a little, But definitely not out loud. All you could think was _please don’t say anything back, please don’t say anything back. Let it slide._

As you took the few steps to the massive tub you felt his hand lightly catch your wrist, pulling you to face him. Oh god.

His face looked like trouble personified. Your thoughts and heart began to race and all you could focus on was how he could probably feel your pulse with his hand.

“Is this something we can bargain?” the way his tongue rolled around the word made it sound like the hottest act imaginable.

You felt your breath hitch, and you could see the wicked smirk on his face grow. He’s never rendered you without a witty remark before, and you both could feel the power dynamics shift.

“Umm...I don’t remember you having access to add to the list.” you finally managed to whisper out.

He pulled in closer, you could feel the heat radiating off his whole body. “Well maybe I could convince you?”

His eyes never broke from yours as he ever so slowly got closer and closer. He removed his hand from your wrist and slowly placed it under your chin, directing you to look up at him.

You broke out into a nervous smile, “Maybe you can.” you whispered breathlessly.

“Maybe I can.” his breath was intoxicating on your face.

Just like that your lips finally made the contact you had been so desperately seeking since bleeding out on a Hydra floor.

He kept it sweet and slow, but the emotion behind it was intoxicating. As if he knew his other arm gripped around your back, keeping you steady. As the kiss ended he pulled his face just a fraction away before giving your lips two quick pecks before fully breaking contact.

“Fucking finally.” slipped quietly through your lips as you opened your eyes.

He laughed, placing his hands on your waist, careful of your left side, and pulling you back in for a hug. “I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time doll.”

You leaned your head up against his chest to find his face. “What took you so long?” you giggled.

He kissed the top of your head, “Clearly I am a stupid stupid man.”

“Well, clearly.” you replied while squeezing him tight. Taking in his scent with deep breaths, no longer having to worry about crossing lines.

“I feel like this requires talking or something.”

You debated mocking him for a second, but you knew this was not the time. You could feel the change in the air. “Of course.”

“This is all very...new for me.” Bucky started. “I already feel like I fucked this up by taking so long, and then kissing you in the bathroom. The bathroom? Really?” his tone was joking but you could tell there was some truth hiding in there.

“Don’t you dare say bad words about this bathroom. This is the bathroom which started it all. Your offer of a jacuzzi is what pulled me through. Nothing could have been more perfect other than maybe somehow kissing me when we first met. But then I probably would have thought you were just using a dying girl.”

“You were never going to die.” he laughed but you could sense the relief in his voice. He pulled away and sat on the edge of the tub and you quickly sat beside him, angling yourself more to face him. He started moving his hands through his hair and you could tell he was literally a nervous wreck. So you grabbed his hand and held it within both of yours. “Your hands are freezing.”

“I told you I run cold.” you smirked which seemed to ease him.

“Can I just spit some stuff out?”

You nodded.

“It’s been...Shit doll its been a very long time. I’m still trying to fully remember myself. And I feel like an idiot with you. You make me want to be who I used to be, even though I don’t really know who he was.”

“Bucky. I don’t know that person, I never would have. You are the person I know. You are the person who makes me laugh, who makes me feel safe, who flirts with me so hard I thought I was going to spontaneously combust a few times.” you laughed.

He snickered, “You didn’t play fair yourself.”

“I never agreed to play fair. I made my choice when we met in that base. I was gonna flirt with you or die trying.”

“Is it….” the question never left his lips.

“Tell me. Never feel you can’t tell me anything.” you said steadily.

“I feel it sounds childish, but can we take this slow?”

God, he was such an idiot. Did he really think that would scare you, or make you feel he was less than? You couldn't imagine his history. You hoped one day he could help you know more of it, no matter how painful. But for him to feel weak because of it?

“Bucky...absolutely. We don’t need to rush into anything. We are just us, and we will find our way together... Can I kiss you?” you whispered the end.

“Always.” he smiled before you gave him a chaste kiss.

“We will keep this between us for now. It’s only our business anyway.” you stated, knowing that was something he would want and wanted to save him the agony of trying to say it.

“Thank you. You know a very large part of me wants nothing more than to scream from the rooftops that I am lucky enough to be with you. But I’m not there yet.”

“I know, and I’m totally fine with that. This place is more gossipy than a high school, even us just being friends has had everyone talking. We don’t owe them anything we don’t want to give them.”

You sensed Bucky had gotten what he needed to say out, which seemed the perfect opportunity to lighten the mood.

“Now, if you don’t mind, you managed to distract me from fully meeting the tub” He laughed as you climbed in and maneuvered yourself so you were leaning fully back against one side. Your feet were fully stretched out and nowhere near to touching the end. Although you didn’t want to say it now, all you could picture was how perfect this tub was for two.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that doll.” And this time there was no hiding the emotion behind it all.

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking Finally!!! As much as I love an amazing slow burn these two could not keep that up. Still more coming. I'm working on part 6 currently. As always thank you again for all your love, kudos, comments, reblogs, bookmarks, messages. They fuel my need to write rather than eat or sleep :-)


	4. Chapter 4

You. Hated. PT.

And by default you hated Emma. You hated her cheery face, you hated her happy voice and you really really hated how she kept making you do things that made you want to cry.

“I don’t care that you hate me or my cheery voice, and your tears only fuel me.” she laughed.

“Shit, I didn’t realize I said that out loud.” you huffed.

Day 1 of physical therapy was horrible. Emma needed to get your baselines on everything so she knew what needed to improve. She wouldn't take your word for it that you already knew the answer was everything.

Now she was just helping you stretch it out, pushing you to your limit while being mindful of your injury.

Bucky had sent a message in the morning that he was being called to prep for a mission. Although slightly disappointed you weren’t really all that surprised. You knew Bucky was truthful in both his excuse and his promise to try and make it when he could. It was probably for the best he missed this one as you felt like the entire 2 hours were just you grimacing.

You made a quick stopover at the common kitchen to grab a quick snack before heading back to your room. You couldn't help if your steps slowed just a little as your passed by the Avengers elevator. But of course as expected, nothing happened.

Once you got the stink of PT and tears off you in the shower you finally got ready to head back into work for an hour or two. Black pants, button up shirt, hair in a tight bun, glasses on, and the miraculously conformable boots you managed to find that were still deemed work appropriate.

When you made it to your area you saw your desk was covered in post it notes welcoming you back. 

“Thanks guys!” you said to the room, while settling in and getting ready to catch up.

Thankfully your email wasn’t the disaster it could be. You had access while you were off so you managed to stay on top of it while forwarding projects to co-workers.

“Agent L/N.” your boss Agent Peele said as he made his way over to your desk.

“Sir.”

“Glad to see you back, I know your just easing in, but can we steal you for a mission brief?” he handed over his tablet to you. 

You did a quick scan, “Looks pretty standard, don’t need any feet on the ground. We could do it with a small team here. Maybe two just to be safe with me available to be called.”

“Excellent. The briefings in 10 in conference room C if you wouldn’t mind.”

“Absolutely sir.”

You stood up doing a quick scan of the room, “Mendez, Lee” The two agents heads popped up from behind their screens. “We have a mission, big briefing in 10, walk with me while I get you up to speed. 

Okay, looks like the team is checking out a possible old Hydra base somewhere in Bulgaria. Wheels up for the away team at 1800. They should be there by 2300. Once this meetings over you guys are off the clock. Go home, nap, eat do what you need to do. Honestly I doubt we are going to be needed. The last time they hit a base with these parameters there was no data to be mined. But in case they do, you guys need to be here and ready to help them. I’ll be on call and will stop by when they are wheels down to make sure everything is good.”

“Feels like you never left.” Mendez joked as you all walked quickly to the conference room.

The room was large with a long conference table in the centre. It had about 15 chairs around it, and then behind on the wall there were a line of chairs. You and your team sat there.

Within a few minutes the room was bursting with people. The usual faces. Maria Hill came and sat at the head of the table, busily flicking her tablet as the large screens around the room came to life.

Sam, Wanda and Bucky then walked in. Guess this was the mission he was working on. You saw him sweep the room quickly and his eyes did a slight double take when he saw you. You adjusted your glasses and tried to not smirk as you went back to focusing on the new data that Hill had begun to push to all the tablets.

He sat with his back to you, and you wondered if the asshole had done it on purpose. Now he didn’t have to see you at all, but you were stuck with his head in your view at all times.

These briefings were usually pretty boring. Especially when your team was working from on compound. Every team had their mission heads as well as whoever else would be helping with them. So comms had a team, the Avengers were ops, Maria was in charge and she also represented any other agents that may be joining as backup. There was the analysis team who went over the lay of the land, possible issues that could affect the mission etc.

Sam did the speaking for the Avengers. Sometimes Wanda would comment, but as usual Bucky was quiet.

Your team was one of the last to speak, just as everyone knew you were only there for a slim possibility.

“Agent L/N, glad to have you back.” Maria drew the attention to you.

“Thank you Agent Hill, glad to be back.” you stood up quickly activating your tablet to push your reports to everyone. “Tech is only here as pure backup. If we were to base this mission on the ones similar in the past, I can almost guarantee our team won’t be called up. But, we are ready if needed. Agent Mendez and Agent Lee with be working with the comms team and ready to go once the team is on the ground. They will be available until wheels up or until the ops team says they are not needed. I’ll be with them at wheels down and will be available for the mission duration if needed.”

Bucky didn’t even turn around when you spoke. Chicken shit.

Soon the meeting was over and everyone was beginning to clear out. You turned to Mendez and Lee. “I want you guys in mission control at 2200, I will stop by closer to landing.” They both nodded and made their way out.

The room cleared surprisingly quickly, none of them even taking notice that you and Bucky were pretending to be reading things on your tablets.

“You wear glasses? You really are a nerd aren’t you?” You heard him snicker.

“Hey now! I have to wear them cause I stare at computer screens all day.” you said as you looked up, he had finally swiveled his chair around so he could face you.

“You look...different.” he struggled, but you could tell it was more shock than anything else.

“Well sweats and jeans and t-shirts are fine and dandy for everyday life, but this,” you sweep a hand up and down yourself, “Is how a boring respectable agent of shield dresses.”

“You could never be boring.”

You noticed he made no effort to get up from his seat, even alone this was too public for his liking.

“Will I see you before you leave?”

He sighed, “Probably not, I need to load up the quinjet.”

“You stay safe out there, no getting shot, that's my shtick.” You got up and grabbed his hand as you walked away, giving it a slight squeeze as you continued to walk out of the room.

 

You spent another hour at your desk, finding yourself diving deeper into the paperwork for the mission. You were being ridiculous, you knew this. He was the freaking winter soldier. He would be fine. This mission was a glorified dummy check. In reality the chances of them finding anything, ANYTHING, was so slim to none. But when it came to Hydra no chances could be taken, so all of these apparent dead ends were always given their full sweep.

You gave Agent Peele a nod as you left the office for the day. Hoping to get some rest yourself before you needed to check in with your team later tonight. God, you wished you could get rid of the stupid nervous butterflies in your stomach.

These missions were done almost weekly. Prior to you being off you ran about 5 of them a month. The Avengers were not going to leave a stone unturned, and you got used to them being just another tedious job that equaled more paperwork than anything of interest.

But that was before. The last mission, was also supposed to be like that. You weren’t even originally supposed to be on the ground. It started the same way as today's, a fully on compound mission for you and your team. 

**************Before “That Mission”**************

2 hours before wheels up new intel was received and suddenly you were being called in by Agent Peele and Maria Hill. Now, that wasn’t actually all that odd. New intel was not unheard of, and sometimes when time was short it was easier to just send more bodies than delay the mission to reconfigure all the mission parameters.

You were good at your job. Damn good. Which was why when these situations came up it was pretty common for you to be called to join the away team. You loved going on missions. Well, at least the kind of missions you and your team were called to.

The danger was always remarkably slim, you were always second entry, and you always felt like a freaking badass. You got to put on a tac suit and be with the full ops team as they got ready. You would never admit it, but that was the coolest way to see the Avengers. Usually only a few would be on the type of missions you were lucky enough to go on, but there was something so cool to walk into the hanger and see them fully suited up. It was how they were supposed to be seen, in full hero mode. Not in the way you usually saw them, stuck in briefings and working on reports, eyes squinting at computer screens.

That mission was more the same. The original briefing had been standard. You actually couldn’t even remember Bucky in the room. I mean, clearly he was, he was part of that mission. But, he just wasn’t something you were focusing on. In fact, you clearly remember keeping your eye on Romanoff and Barton as they were always whispering back and forth and snickering. Their relationship was a huge source of gossip around the compound and you always found yourself drawn to semi eavesdropping on them when you got the chance.

Funny how that was. Bucky was in that room, probably right beside one of them, and your brain had totally just disregarded his presence. Not knowing that 12 hours later he would be saving your life, and changing it completely.

“Agent L/N some new intel has been uncovered. I won’t exaggerate. It’s old as fuck and probably completely inaccurate but we can’t risk it.” Maria quickly said.

You nodded.

“If any of their servers are still there, which we all agree is slim, it appears they may be locked by a very similar firewall to the one you brokedown in Latvia.” Peele said.

“So we want you on the ground with a team ready to go. How many people will you need?” Maria asked, you could see she was already thinking ten steps from this and ready for this conversation to be done.

“It’s a pretty large base, lets try for me and 5 others? Just to cover the ground quickly. Last time we had a mission with a viable server the ops team didn’t even see it. My team is better at spotting them, and I don’t want to be wandering the halls for hours if I can help it.”

“Agreed. Get your team together and get ready. I’ll update ops and comms.” And just like that Maria Hill and Peele were gone. 

You walked briskly to your department. It was later in the afternoon and a few people had already gone home for the day. “Mendez, Lee,Davis…” you called for the agents you had done ground missions with before. Everyone else was new blood. Well no time like the present to get their feet wet. “Hamilton and Sharpe, come with me now.”

You pulled them into the small meeting room and starting pushing the new intel to their tablets. “Okay, change in plan. We are no longer on compound for today’s mission. This intel is probably shit, we are probably going for nothing other than to get some steps on our fitbits, but we are going. This place is huge so it's going to be the six of us to cover more ground.” You nodded to the senior agents so they could be dismissed. None of you were planning on going on mission, so what should have been an evening with time to nap and relax before needing to be on comms was now under 100 minutes away from being on a quinjet.

“I know this is your guys first time going on mission so I’ll walk you through it. Let’s go to get you guys in gear and get your comms signed out.” You could see the excited nervousness on their faces. “You’ll have plenty of time to read up on everything on the plane so don’t worry about that. The ops team goes in first and does the full sweep. It's usually a good hour after landing before we are allowed to enter. Just because we know there will be nothing there doesn't mean we don’t do this right. Me and the others will likely go in solo to cover more ground. But since it's your guys first time I want you partnered together. You find anything you call me immediately. Nothing is done without me. Got it?”

“Yes Ma’am” - “Yes Agent”

They both said at the same time as you started to walk out, motioning for them to follow. So much for going to bed early tonight. Hopefully you could grab some caffeine before you got on the jet.

The energy was always high for the second entry team on a mission. It was something new and exciting so the area of the quinjet where we all sat was usually buzzing. You wanted nothing more than to get some sleep, but always felt you couldn’t, especially when leading the team. The ops guys always seemed to be able to do whatever they want. If they wanted to eat, sleep, listen to music, zone out, it was all deemed acceptable. Whatever helped get them into the zone before the mission.

You looked down at your watch. The ops team had been in there for about 30 minutes. You should be getting your clearance to go in, in maybe 30 more? If it takes an hour to sweep this building you could be in the air in 90 minutes. Going home was always more quiet and more acceptable for people to break off and sleep. Come on Y/N. Two more hours and you can be blissfully asleep.

If only….

 

************ Present Day *******************

You found you couldn’t sit still back in your apartment. You hadn’t bothered to change out of your work clothes even though you had plenty of time until you needed to make your appearance in mission control.

Your tablet beeped. Wheels were up, mission was a go. Still you just sat. Waiting.

You headed to mission control at 2230. Mendez and Lee were already there, plugged in with comms and ready to go.

You looked at all the screens, everything was still on track. On the other side of the room you could hear people talking to the team, but there was too much chatter to make anything out.  
So you sat in your chair and tried your best to keep your professional face on.

2 hours later and it was clear there was nothing there.

“L/N” Mendez pulled you out of your thoughts. “Well, you were right, it’s nothing, I’m sure we are going to get the all clear to pack up soon. Why don’t you take off.”

You looked at your watch, it was late, and normally you would have never stayed this long. You could think of no reason to stay, and you knew you’d be updated by your tablet anyway.  
You gave a quick nod to them as well as a few other agents who caught your eye as you got up.

You lay in your bed just staring at the ceiling. Finally a beep of your tablet called to you. Wheels were up, the team was compound bound. Finally your stomach stopped doing flips and you could let sleep take over.

 

The next morning even though you were utterly exhausted, you got into your gym clothes and made your way down. Today you weren’t working with Emma directly, but she had a workout routine she wanted you to keep up with. You stepped on the treadmill and turned your volume way up, music was the only way to make this semi bearable.

After a few songs you were pulled from your head by the feeling of your earbud being ripped from your ear. 

“Hey, what the hell?” you looked back and was shocked to see the smirk of Bucky beside you.

“I did try to get your attention, you were ignoring me.”

“To be fair I was ignoring the world. I’m surprised you're awake, when did you even get back?”

“A few hours ago, but I slept on the quinjet. Don’t worry I’m good. So today is cardio? How much time did Emma want?”

“An hour, I’m almost done.” you lied.

He leaned over to read your display. “You’ve only been on here for 10 minutes! I’m your gym buddy, I’m supposed to motivate you remember.”

It was then you heard the distinctive sounds of Rogers using his special punching bag. Which then caused you to finally really look at Bucky, he was in shorts and a t-shirt. His hands already taped up to do some hits.

“You’re here to workout?” you said with a smile.

“Well, it was what you bargained for was it not?” and he gave you a delectable grin. “Me and Steve will be a few hours, but you don’t leave this machine until it says 60 minutes. I’ll meet you for a late lunch?”

You nodded, wondering how obnoxious it would be for you to change to a machine with a better view.

 

You made your way to the Avengers elevator, waiting for Bucky to come down to get you. But when the doors opened there was no one in the elevator.

“Oh my god….” you whispered as you walked inside, all at once the doors closed and you were playfully tackle-hugged by Bucky as he placed a kiss against your cheek.

“You will not give up the dream of F.R.I.D.A.Y letting you up will you?”

“I’m telling you, she gets me.”

When you arrived to the common room you made your way to one of the island chairs outside the kitchen. It immediately gave Bucky pause.

“You okay? You’re not running over to your true love?” his head nodding towards Stark’s drink machine.

“Sorry.” you sighed absently scratching your head. “Been a bit off today.”

He came up behind you and pulled your back tight into his chest. His chin resting on the top of your head.

“This helps.” you whispered.

“Yeah?” You pulled away and turned so you were facing him before pulling yourself back into his chest.

“Yeah.”

He let you stay like that for a long while as his fingers swirled on your back. “It was because it was your first day back yesterday? The mission?”

“I guess.” He pulled you two apart, grabbing your hands and taking you towards his suite. You followed without question as he lead you to his room. He pulled the pillows up against the headboard quickly and motioned for you to sit and get comfy. You gave him a look but he was soon leaving the room.

His bed did look mighty comfortable, so you sat down and pulled yourself flush to the pillows in his makeshift couch. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y can I access my netflix from here?” you asked the AI

The TV turned on and the Parks and Rec episode you had fallen asleep to a few days to ago came up on the screen.

A few minutes later Bucky returned, he was balancing a tray with quite a few drinks on it, as well as a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. His other hand held a bag and you could see the label of cookies just peeking out.

“I know you love to press the buttons, but given the circumstances I figured you would allow me.” He placed the drinks on the bedside table beside you, he had made a few of the drinks you had said were your favourites so far. He then went back to the other side of the bed - his side now - and got comfy beside you, arranging the cookies and other snacks he had brought as well as placing the ice cream between you, with two spoons.

“How did I get so lucky?” you asked him.

‘Because you got shot?” he tried to banter with your usual tone, almost as a test. But it was clear he already knew.

“Yeah….I did.” you sighed, no humour in your voice.

“Talk to me.”

“It was just...nothing...but everything you know?” He nodded encouraging you to continue to talk. “I wasn’t in my office for a whole 40 minutes before I’m being pulled into leading a team in a mission meeting. And I kicked its ass, but I was on autopilot. And then you were there, and you were going, and even though I knew it was an easy mission suddenly I was second guessing it. And the last mission I could go off of….” you trailed off.

“Is when you got shot.” he finished for you. A fact.

“It just all came flooding back, nothing significant, but suddenly it was there. I thought that mission was going to be just like the 17 others like that I had done. Walk through, walk out, call it a night. But instead I got complacent. I lost sight of what we were actually doing, where we were. I almost paid for that. It could have been so much worse.” You wiped a few tears away quickly.

He wrapped his arm around you pulling you in close. “Don’t blame yourself. You are allowed and expected to feel this way. Honestly I’m surprised it took you this long.”

You looked to him with surprise.

“Dealing with our mortality is a very unfortunate part of this job, and as absolutely fun as it was to joke and flirt about it. We both know what happened to you was really fucking scary. We are allowed to try and make light of it, cause hell doll what else are we supposed to do. But don’t feel ashamed for a second when you need to let the real emotions through.”

Your curled into him, allowing his body and smell to make you feel safe. You stayed like that for a while before realizing your leg was really cold. You pulled away seeing the ice cream between your bodies.

“I think we killed the ice cream.” you laughed.

“Well now it's just a milkshake.”


	5. Chapter 5

As Netflix continued to play and you both made yourselves uncomfortably full on junk food, you soon found your bodies entwined. Although Bucky was still semi sitting up, you were more leaned down, your head on his chest and an arm wrapped around his waist. Bucky's body sometimes moved with laughter from the show, while you were more focused on how his one hand kept running up and down your back. Every now and then he would pull it up and run his fingers through your hair.

“You keep that up and I’m going to fall asleep.” you sighed in contentment.

“Nothing wrong with that.”

The next time your eyes opened you could tell by the sunlight in the room it was now closer to late afternoon. You were still wrapped around Bucky’s chest, but he had moved down to be fully on his back, and somehow had managed to get a blanket over the two of you without waking you up. His left hand was wrapped protectively around your back, keeping your body pressed closely to him. His right sat on his chest, inches from your own. You placed a light kiss to his thumb before interlocking your hand with his. He was quick to squeeze back and you leaned your chin on his chest so you could see him as he woke.

“Sleep well?” he asked as his eyes slowly found their focus on you.

You hummed in agreement as you managed to pull yourself up to begin kissing his stubble as you made your way to his lips.

He made a growl as your kiss deepened and you giggled as he managed to flip you so your back was on the bed and he was hovering over you, never breaking from your lips.

You could still taste the cookies you had eaten as you began to hitch your legs up, wrapping one around him and pulling him closer to you. You both moaned at the contact, but Bucky broke the kiss, resting his forehead on yours while trying to contain his breathing.

“Sorry.” you said breathlessly but making no move to disconnect your joined bodies.

He opened his hooded eyes slowly, “You really don’t play fair.”

You smirked as you finally put your leg back down, but neither of you could deny the heat as he was still between your legs.

“Well I’m sure your fancy shower has a really great cold setting.” you joked and he laughed as he maneuvered himself off you and laid on his side facing you.

“I would love nothing more than proving I don’t play fair either, but I had something else in mind.” he said as he moved some hair off your face.  
“I’m listening.”

“I feel like we’ve done everything all out of order here. You did the almost dying thing, we did the flirting thing, then we did the friend thing but you know what we haven't done?” he asked.

You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively. “I thought we were working on that.” your tone all joking.

“I need to take you on a date. None of these netflix and...chill?” he said unsure.

“You’re so old.” you laughed

“Hey now. Do you want me to take you out tonight or no?”

You sat up, sitting on your legs. “Really?” the excitement clear on your face.

“Of course doll. Think you could be ready in 30 minutes?”

“I can be ready in 29!”

“Not everything's a competition.”

“Psh. Challenge. Accepted.” you laughed as you jumped off the bed. You were already almost out his door when you heard him call to you.

“Meet me in the garage. Wear jeans.” 

You turned around from the doorway seeing him sitting up from the bed. “Is me in a dress too much for you?” you joked.

“It probably is, but I have other reasons.” he looked down at his watch. “28 minutes now.” You broke out into a huge grin before bolting out of his room.

You quickly skidded to Bucky’s living room, trying to push your feet into your shoes you had kicked off earlier.

“Hey Y/N” you heard Steve, not realizing he was here.

“Hey Steve, sorry can’t stay and chat, Must beat Bucky.” you waved as he gave you a confused yet happy smile.

You were practically speed walking to the elevator when suddenly Sam stepped in front of you.

“Well well well. I didn’t realize we were just letting any riff raff up here.” he joked.

“Well the standards all dropped once they let you up here Sam.”

Sam grabbed at his chest, “Damn direct hit!” you heard laughing coming from beside you and saw Natasha and Clint were in the common room.

“So have you opened that bottle yet?” Natasha asked.

“You gave her one of your bottles?” Clint asked shocked as she elbowed him.

“Um, not yet. But I promise I will.”

“Don’t let that go to waste, it is meant to be enjoyed, not sitting on a shelf waiting.” Natasha’s voice was stern but you could catch her hint of trying to be light. Before you could respond you were interrupted by the AI.

“Agent L/N. Sergeant Barnes wishes me to remind you it is now only 25 minutes.” 

“Dammit!” you yelled hoping he could hear you. “Sorry guys, I have to go. I must win.”

You could see them all giving amused looks between each other but Sam stepped aside gesturing for you to go. You quickly took the final few steps to the elevator and waved to the small group as you waited for it to open. After a minute it still stayed closed.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y? Why is the elevator not opening?”

“You do not have access to this elevator.”

“Wait. What? I’ve always had access to leave!”

“The security settings were changed by Sergeant Barnes.”

“Oh my god you bastard!” you shouted to the ceiling. You were debating running back to his suite and kicking his butt when you heard laughter coming from Sam.

“I don’t know what game you guys are playing, but it’s amazing. F.R.I.D.A.Y please take Y/N back to the main floor on my clearance.”

“Thank you Sam!” you said with relief as the doors finally opened.

You ran through the compound getting to your room in record time. Shit. You had barely any time left. Before it was just fun, but knowing he tried to sabotage you? Oh. This. Meant. War.  
You quickly found a pair of dark jeans you knew you looked amazing in and went rummaging through your closet to find a cute off the shoulder shirt that felt date appropriate. As you were stripping down, putting on underarm deodorant and doing a quick scan that you remembered to shave this morning F.R.I.D.A.Y once again spoke from overhead.

“Sergeant Barnes wishes to remind you have 15 minutes left.”

Your eyes bore a hole into the ceiling hoping he could feel the glare you were giving.

You threw the shirt over your head while hopping on one foot trying to get your skinny jeans on while heading to the bathroom to do a quick once over. You were never one for too much makeup anyway, but time was short even for your minimalist liking. 

You quickly got some mascara on, and of course slipped and got some on your cheek. Dammit. You worked on rubbing it off while you digged through your makeup bag with your other hand, pulling out lipsticks. You found a nice pink you liked to wear when not at work as it felt more fun.

There was no time to do much with your hair so you quickly put a small braid down one side of your face just to have it look like some effort had been put into it.

“How much time do I have left F.R.I.D.A.Y?” you asked as you dug deep into your closet.

“7 minutes.”

“Fuck.” you muttered as you finally found your cute leather jacket. You quickly put it on, pushed your feet into your comfortable yet adorable ankle boots and quickly ran down to the garage.

Bucky was leaning smugly against the door to the garage.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” you panted.

“2 minutes remain.”

“YES!” you gloated as you held both arms in the air. “I did it even though you cheated. I did it and even managed to still look cute.”

“I did not cheat!” he snickered as he walked into the garage. Once you followed him and the door closed he turned back to face you., “But you do look very cute indeed.” as he leaned down and gave you a kiss.

When he pulled away you finally got a chance to see what he was wearing. He was also wearing jeans, a pair of well worn back boots and a leather jacket. 

“We match.” you laughed.

“Great minds think alike? Is that still a saying?”

“I’m just glad the nerd can keep up with her cool boyfriend. Should I give you a cute braid too?” you joked as your ran your fingers through his hair. Noticing now that it was still slightly damp. “So, I see someone did take me up on that cold shower?” you mocked.

Bucky coughed, you almost swore he went a little red. You smiled and pulled him in for another quick kiss. When he pulled away he started walking towards the corner of the garage. It never actually dawned on you until now that Bucky was pretty well known for his motorcycle.

He was grabbing two helmets from the wall when he turned around and saw your face.

“You are okay with taking the bike right?”

“Um, yeah, no, of course. Like the bike is amazing, and cool and I’ve never been on one before so please don’t be too hard on me. Where do I sit, where do I hold on? Will I fall off? I have questions.”

Bucky’s face became super soft. “I can borrow one of the cars instead?”

“No, no. I want to ride the bike. It’s going to a new experience.” your voice was laced with both nerves and excitement which made Bucky relax a bit more.

“Okay, so I sit here, and you sit right here, right behind me. Nice and close. Your feet go into these rests down here, and you hold on to me, as tightly as you want. And no, you will not fall off. I would never allow that.”

You jumped up and down a few times loosening up and getting the nerves to try and leave. “Okay, okay. Let’s do this!”

“First,” he goes back and grabs the helmet. “Safety first.” You smiled as he helped put the helmet on, feeling it squish your cheeks. 

“So attractive I’m sure.”

Bucky put his helmet on the handlebar as he climbed on, before leaning his arm to help you sit behind him. Once you allowed your body to settle you realized how utterly close you were to Bucky. Your entire front was flush to his back. Once you placed your feet on the rests it only naturally inclined your body even closer to him. He reached back with his right arm grabbing your hand and pulling it to his waist. You did the same with your left as he gave your hand a squeeze.

“I’m feeling like this is payback for the bed and the shower?” you asked feeling intoxicated by how close you were to him, and knowing you would be in this position for a while.

He looked back and gave you a wink before facing forward, putting on his helmet and starting the bike up. It rumbled through your bones and you instinctively squeezed tighter to Bucky. You were almost positive you could feel him laugh as he took off.

The ride was exhilarating, and all at once you suddenly understood why girls loved guys with bikes. Any chance Bucky got he’d put his right hand on yours, or lean it back and grab your calf, just small reassurances that he had you. Sooner than you would have liked he was slowing down and stopping.

He was quick to get the kickstand down and his helmet off so he could look back at you. He looked at you unsure but you flipped up your visor and he could see your thousand watt smile. He helped you off and then helped get the helmet off.

You automatically started patting your hair down unsure what damage the helmet had done. 

“How horrific do I look?”

“You are beautiful.” he said as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head. “So what did you think?” 

“It was amazing.” you beamed at him and you could see how happy it made him. He linked his hand in yours as your started to walk up the street. It suddenly hit you that this was the first time you had ever really done this. “I like this.”

“So I may have asked Natasha a good place to go and she recommended an Italian place just around the corner. I hope that's okay?”

“Carbs and wine are pretty much the quickest way to my heart. Add in some chocolate and we are golden.”

The dinner was perfect, you talked about how you grew up, your family, how you got involved with Shield. Even more surprising was Bucky did the same. You found him talking openly and with joy about his mom and sisters. You compared high school experiences and realized he was pretty nerdy himself back then. His best friend was little Steve Rogers, he loved science, the only reason he didn't get picked on was he did boxing on the side, and soon became quite the ladies man which cancelled out his nerdy tendencies.

“So does the wine do anything for you?” you asked as you waited for dessert to arrive.

“Well, I mean I can enjoy the taste but beyond that it's no different than any other non alcoholic drink.”

“You should ask Stark to work on something for you and Steve.”

“Steve told me Thor has some Asgardian mead that worked on him. I haven't been able to try it myself though.”

“Make sure I am there for that. I feel like that's an important step in any relationship, getting totally sloshed and dancing and singing and making grand declarations.”

He laughed, “I feel like you could accomplish all of that without the liquid courage.”

“Touche.” you smiled, “But still, I expect to be there.”

“As you wish.” he smirked and your heart fluttered at his Princess Bride reference.

When the meal was over you both took your time just walking around the neighborhood enjoying each others company. You soon found a small little parkette and sat down on the bench to keep talking. You were absolutely amazed how you just always wanted more. More of his voice, more of his touch, more of his stories, you felt there was no limit.

You sat with his left arm over your shoulder, pulling you into his warmth while his right hand kept playing with your hands. Suddenly you were interrupted by a vibration.

“Do you have a phone in your pocket or does your arm have some features you haven't told me about?” you snickered.

He rolled his eyes at you as he dug his phone out of an inside pocket of his jacket,

“Shit. I’m so sorry doll but we have to head back to the base.”

“Is everything okay?” you immediately grabbed your phone but found no such alert on yours.

“Yeah, just some Avenging business...I may be gone for a few days.” he said as he stood up, getting ready to make his way back to where the bike was parked.

He quickly laced his hand with yours as you walked more quickly then you did before.

“This is one if those above my clearance things where I just need to accept you can’t tell me much, isn’t it?”

“Yeah...I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“No, it's okay. I….I get it. But you will be okay?”

Bucky didn't answer and you could feel your body start to break out into a nervous sweat.

When you got to the bike he finally turned to face you and could see your growing panic. “Shit….I’ll be okay. I will try to find someone to keep you in the loop as best at they can okay. This is absolutely horrible timing after the day you had, and what a way to ruin our first real date.”

“The pitfalls of working for a spy organization?” you tried to lighten the mood.

He sighed. “The garage is going to be bustling with people when we get there.”

You read his cue wrong and interrupted, “I understand I can call an uber back to base.”

“No! I would never.” he grabbed both your hands in his. “I need to be perfectly clear, I am not ashamed or scared of people finding out about us. It's just our business. You and me. But especially you always come first. I just meant I know once we get back to base it’s going to be crazy and I’m going to have to run off pretty much immediately.” As if on cue you could hear his phone vibrate again. “So I just want to make sure we get our proper goodnight kiss.”

Although you were still very nervous for whatever mission he was about to go on, you knew if it was above you it was probably an Avenger only mission. Which were never classified as easy. As you looked into his beautiful eyes you tried to bring yourself back to this moment.

You smiled as you leaned up, cupping his face as he leaned down, locking your lips with his.

The ride back to base was definitely not as fun as the ride there. Bucky was going faster, which admittedly made it a little more scary for you. But he still tried his best to grab onto you when he could, and you held on to him as tightly as possible, knowing once you got back to the garage you wouldn’t be able to hold onto him again until who knew when.

He was right. The garage was filled with people, they were gathering vehicles that would go with them on the mission. He still helped you off the bike, but no sooner were you standing and agents had surrounded him. They only gave you cursory glances as they quickly ushered him away shoving a tablet in his hands and speedily talking faster than you could process.

It felt like you had barely taken a full breath and he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yah!! A date!!!!! I'm usually a lot more angsty than this. But clearly I am needing some fluff in my life.
> 
> Please keep up with the comments/messages/kudos 
> 
> I cannot even describe how happy they make me. (fyi I'm currently working on Part 8 and not yet done this story)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bucky's gone the reader needs to find someone else to hang out with. Who could it be?

Four days.

It had been _four days_ and you still knew not a fucking thing. You knew through a process of elimination most of the Avengers had gone. You had seen Natasha on base once, and Dr Banner was mentioned in passing in the common area. But it seemed everyone else was gone.

You felt like you were going to go crazy. You had no idea where they had gone, how long they would be gone for or how dangerous it was. You knew if Bucky could he would have gotten some kind of message to you, so the fact he hadn’t only freaked you out more. Your nerves were already frayed to their limit when you got alerted to a possible mission.

You walked sharply to the conference room and felt a little embarrassed as you appeared to be the last to arrive. Agent Peele was at the front, Natasha was also in the room with a lot of other ops agents.

When you walked in all eyes were on you. You quickly looked to your tablet but the alert did only come five minutes ago.

“Apologies, I only just got the alert.”

“We know, we only just got more information and called you in.” Peele started. “We have very credible intel of a possible hold of info in Lisbon. We are almost positive we are dealing with the framework you disabled last year, so we need you on the ground on this one. You’re the only agent whose seen it and cracked it.”

You nodded as you sat down, your mind going a mile a minute. You kept staring at the tablet as more and more info was displayed. You willed your brain to pay attention as best you could but it felt like you were in a haze.

It felt like you blinked and you were on the quinjet trying your best not to throw up. You sat with a few other techs who were to be your backup on the plane, but only you were going in unless you specifically needed them. You also had a pretty full team back on compound ready to help you.

You bounced your leg trying to concentrate solely on that, when you noticed a shadow.

Natasha was standing over you.

“Come over to the ops side, we want to fill you in.” you nodded as you got up and followed her. Once you were on their side of the quinjet she started digging through a supply box. “You have a shirt on under you tac suit right?”

“Umm….yeah?”

She came over and unzipped the front of your suit and you noticed she held a Kevlar vest in her hand.

“I need that?” you felt like a child nervously asking one of the greatest spies stupid questions.

“For this mission? No. But do I think it will make you feel better and maybe push you back from the panic attack you’ve been trying to starve off since you got called in. Yes.” she said matter of factly.

“Is it that obvious I’m losing my shit?”

She rolled her eyes. “To these idiots? No. They forget we are human sometimes and being thrown into an away mission for the first time after being shot can be a little nerve wracking. Especially when your boyfriend is on his own secret mission.” she raised her eyebrows at you. “They last checked in just before we took off. Not that you heard that from me.” and she gave you a curt nod as she helped zip up your tac suit over the Kevlar.

She pointed for you to sit down. “So the ops team is going in first, me included. But once we get the all clear I am coming back and going in with you.”

“I don’t remember that being in the plans?”

“I’m making the call. Once we leave base I’m in charge.”

“Really Agent Romanoff I appreciate it, but I don’t want to be treated with kid gloves.”

“I would never. Besides, if you don’t want me to do it to make yourself feel a bit better, than we can agree I’m doing it cause Barnes would be very angry if I didn't. And although I can take him it’s just easier for all parties this way?”

You gave a quick smile, the relief she had managed to give you in this three minute conversation was almost unmeasurable. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. We have a job to do. We are going to do it, then head back home. And as soon as its an acceptable hour to do so you are going to come up with the vodka and we are going to drink it.”

“Deal.”

 

You sat in the jet waiting for Natasha to come and get you. Although there had been some Hydra agents, it was clear it was mostly abandoned. Your pulse still raced as you wondered if it was better they found some and got them, or found none? Did finding some mean they could have missed someone?

“L/N?” Natasha came through the comms. “I am on my way, be ready in five.”

Your team all looked at you with anticipation. They would all probably love to be in your shoes right now. Natasha was there in no time and soon you were making your way to the server room.

She cleared the room and then stayed by the door., “We are in position.”

You started pulling out your laptop and other wires and connectors as you got situated. “I am muting my comms for work silence.” you spoke as you quickly clicked the button.

“You need me to be silent too?” Natasha asked.

“No, its fine. It’s more so for my team. They just get excited and nervous and can’t help but to ask for updates every three minutes. It’s just easier this way.”

Natasha didn’t move from her spot of protecting the room, even though no other hydra agents had been found, and you had heard she had a few ops agents just around the corner watching the hallways.

It was the framework you had cracked before, which made you feel better as at least you knew what you were doing. The rooms only sounds were you clicking away on your keyboards.

“Compound wants an update.” Natasha broke the silence.

“Tell them it's going according to plan. They were right. We should have it all in about twenty minutes based on the amount of data I have to move over.”

“Did you copy that?” you heard her ask as you kept to your screen.

You had done most of the hard work, the coding was in and running and now it was mostly just a data transfer. You heard Natasha walk closer, she was stepping backwards to get to you, so to never lose sight of the door.

She quickly glanced down to see the transfer was moving. “It’s nice when you guys do this stuff, you make it look so much easier then when we try to do it with your team on the comms.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, you’ve done your fair share of digital espionage.”

“Oh, sorry. I wasn’t referring to myself. I meant the two fossils, and Wilson and Barton.” she said smugly.

You laughed, “Well they have their own strengths I’m sure.”

“Do you feel like the I.T people in sitcoms, just dealing with people who can’t even turn on a TV?”

“They aren’t that bad.” you laughed again, but couldn't help but think of the multiple times certain things had stumped Bucky.

You un-muted your comms. “We are at the final 5%. We should be out of here soon.”

As soon as the transfer was at 100% you did a quick check, making sure everything was there and not corrupted before packing up all your gear. “We good?” Natasha asked.

You nodded as she pulled out her gun and starting shooting the server. Your eyes flinched with every shot. She ended it by throwing one of her widow stings in the open wiring and you watched as the server short circuited and smoked.

Natasha led the way out and you were soon flanked by a few other team members that had been in the hallway. As soon as you got on the quinjet you were in the air and other agents were taking your backpack off of you and getting all the equipment sorted. Natasha went over with the other ops members not giving you a second glance. You were quick to find a seat with your team, happy to let sleep overcome you.

 

The flight home felt ridiculously longer than the trip there. You were upset when you woke to discover there was still a few hours left. So you spent the rest of the time working on your debriefing reports. It seemed most of the team had the same idea, which made the full debrief when you landed go relatively quick.

Once you got back to your room you ran to your phone. No new messages. Damn.

You showered and put on some comfy clothes when you heard your phone beep.

_Come up when your ready - Don’t forget the vodka_

Huh. Part of you didn’t think she was serious. You tried not to think about what having drinks with the Black Widow meant as you grabbed the bottle and made your way out.

Just as you got to the elevator you realized you should probably text her to come get you, as she may not have expected you to come so quickly. But just as the thought crossed your mind the elevator door dinged.

It was empty.

You got in it eyeing it suspiciously. Almost half expecting and hoping for Bucky to be hiding in the corner. But it was entirely empty.

When it got to the upper floor the Avengers area was quiet. 

“Hello?” you called, feeling like you were somehow not supposed to be here. As you looked around the darkened room you suddenly heard steps coming towards you.

“There you are.” Natasha started but then saw your confused face. “You okay?”

“Just confused how I got up here without an escort.”

Natasha smiled knowingly as she grabbed the bottle from your hand and headed to the kitchen. You followed her as she grabbed two glasses, grabbed some ice and broke the seal pouring a very generous amount in each glass.

“Za Zdarovje, Za Vstrechu, Za Lyubov.” She said as she handed you your glass and raised her own.

“Ditto?” you responded as you clinked glasses and took a sip. You were concerned about drinking it straight up, but it was surprisingly smooth. You both took a seat at the kitchen island. “So that smirk about me getting up here?”

“I do not smirk.” she said flatly.

“You do and you did.”

She raised her eyebrows, impressed you pushed rather then folding.

“A certain super soldier may have changed the permissions before he left for his mission. Although it was amusing watching him run around and get everyone's okay who’s up here.”

“He asked everyone's permission?!”

“Well, permission may be the wrong word. But he wanted to make sure everyone was okay with it. Some of us may have tortured him more than others.” she gave a small smile before taking another sip. You followed suit with a sip of your own picturing Bucky asking all of them to give you access. “He knew this mission may be long and wanted you to have access if you needed it.”

“But why didn’t he just tell me?” and as you asked the question out loud the realization hit. “He knows I always slow down when I walked by the elevator just to see.”

Natasha gave a small laugh.

“Well I guess thanks for inviting me for a drink so I figured it out this way.”

“I did have my own motivations.” she told you mischievously while she topped up both your drinks.

“You guys bet on me didn’t you? How long it would take me to do it?”

“As a woman who I last saw running through this common room trying to beat Barnes to get ready first I would assume you would understand my need to win.”

“Do I want to know who bet sooner or later?”

“Let’s just concentrate on the fact I won, you got to keep your pride, and we are enjoying a marvelous drink.”

“I can cheers to that.” you clinked glasses again.

You should not have been trying to keep up with Natasha drink for drink, and part of you knew this as you danced around the common room to the music that was now playing. 

Natasha was watching you carefully. Encouraging you to let loose, but seemingly not feeling the same amount of drunk that you were.

As you twirled around to the song she came up behind you to try and hand you a glass of water.

“Drink.” she commanded.

You tried to grab the glass but missed. She raised her eyebrows at you as she helped put it in your hand.

“How are you not druuunk?”

“I’m Russian. That was just fancy water to me.”

“Psh, well that just seems unfair.” the water sloshed over your cup and down your hand. She pushed you down to a seat.

“Drink.”

You took a few sips. “Thanks ‘Tasha. Can I call you that? I’ve heard Barton call you that. Are you and him a thiiiing?”

She stared at you blankly, not reacting at all.

“Aw come on. I thought we were bonding here? What did I help you win?”

“You’re good for him” You tilted your head like a confused puppy. You could have sworn you saw her give a small laugh. “I’m only saying this cause I know you won’t remember this, but we are happy you two found each other.”

Sober you may have reacted to what that truly meant. But drunk you could only focus on one thing.

“We? Whose we? You and Barton? Tell meeeeee.”

“Let’s get you to bed.”

You moaned, “My bed is so far awaaaay. And I want food. Yes lets get food. Let’s order something. Pizza...no Chinese…..no Thai….something greasy like chicken. Let’s order alllllll of it.”

“My girl bonding does not include holding your hair back while you throw up.” She went into the kitchen and soon came back with crackers. “Eat.”

“Crackers? How boring. Let’s order real foooood. I have access to the drones, anything you want.” you threw your hands wide, almost falling over and sloshing more water from your glass onto the floor.

“No thank you. You may be immune to Stark’s wrath cause you’ve managed to make Barnes a decent person to live and work with, but I would not be.”

“Iron Man knows?” you asked while laughing behind your water.

“Pretty sure he made Steve pay him back for your Coney Island delivery.”

“Awww now I feel bad, poor Steve. I should pay him back.” your voice grew sad with the vodka’s influence.

“Don’t worry about it. He can afford it. Eat your crackers.”

You ate a few to appease Natasha while she got some water bottles and then grabbed your arm, leading you to Bucky and Steve’s area. You didn't even realize their room was opening due to your presence.

“Which one is Barnes room?” she asked as you entered the boys common area. You lazily threw your right arm in the general direction as she lead you that way.

As soon as you saw the bed you pulled away from Natasha, jumping right in. She organized the water bottles beside you and shook a container of pills to get your attention. “Advil for when you wake up later and want to die.”

You only smiled in response as you burrowed yourself in the blankets. Natasha left and F.R.I.D.A.Y turned down the lights. His scent was everywhere and you never felt more content in your life.

 

The next time you woke you literally felt worse than when you had been shot. What the fuck had been in that vodka. As you moaned in pain F.R.I.D.A.Y in a lower than usual voice came over head.

“Agent L/N, remember to have some water and take the Advil on the bedside table. Do you require anything else?”

“A sledgehammer would be great.”

“I think some more rest and water would be more beneficial. When you’re feeling slightly better I can recommend some smoothies that are known to help reduce a hangover.”

“Thanks F.R.I.D.A.Y” you whispered as you downed a bottle of water with your Advil and threw a pillow over your head to block out the world.

 

When you peaked out from the pillow a few hours later your eyes could finally focus. You were still hungover but no longer feeling in danger of being sick. You sat up in the bed, fully taking in your surroundings of his room. Had it only been 6 days ago you were in here for the first time? You felt ridiculous. But ever since you were discharged you had seen him everyday. It just felt utterly unfair that just when you moved your relationship further he had to leave.

You saw one of his hoodies hanging off the door handle to the closet. You slowly got up and made your way to it, wrapping yourself in its comfort. It was comically big, but felt like a blanket. And of course it smelled like him. 

You made your way to the Avenger's kitchen. Just as you got there the drink machine started to churn.

“I took the liberty of picking out a smoothie I think will help you. I also know Agent Wilson hides pop tarts behind the protein powder.’ F.R.I.D.A.Y informed you.

You smiled. You knew the AI liked you. You just knew it.

 

 

 

_(Za Zdarovje, Za Vstrechu, Za Lyubov. - rough English translation of a Russian toast - to health, to our meeting, to our friendship totally stolen from Google so apologies)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there is no Bucky in this chapter. He shall return next week. Speaking of, I think Chapter 8 may be where this story ends. We shall see but I seem to be reaching its natural conclusion as I write it. But considering this started off as a one-shot, we all know I could be full of shit.
> 
> Thank you again for everyone's comments and kudos and messages. Every single one of you is amazing!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky gets home from the mission....but he's not himself (some angst - but i fix it!)

Three. Fucking. Weeks

They had been on whatever mission they had been called to for three weeks and you felt so angry you could explode. Somehow during this time you and Natasha had struck up an unlikely friendship. Even though she was still pretty closed off with you, it felt like she liked to be in your presence. You guessed since your emotions were never hidden and they were probably similar to what she was feeling but would never show.

“You’re getting sloppy.” she said as she put down her hands. After a few days she had convinced you to start sparring with her. You did need a gym buddy again, and it really helped with your misplaced anger.

“Three weeks!” you huffed as you shook your arms, trying to get the blood to circulate more before you continued. “I have now officially spent as much time, if not more time with you then I have him.” She puts back up her hands, encouraging you to hit them again. Which you do eagerly.

She gives you a sideways glance. “Are you saying I am not good company.”

You give her a knowing look which causes her to smirk as you continue to try and keep up with her.

After a while you’ve taken your fair share of her hits and are laying on the mat huffing.

“Have you heard anything?”

She passes you a bottle of water which you devour quickly.

“I’m still here.” is her answer. She had told you in the past she doesn't tend to get many updates either. But if she is still at the compound, and not being called in with Bruce she assumes all is going to plan. For now it's the only sign you have.

\-------------*************----------------

You opened your eyes, immediately on edge. Something had woken you up. You look at the clock, it's just after four in the morning. You are just about to get out of the bed when the bedroom door opens and Bucky walks in, his form illuminated by the small light coming from the living room.

He is still in his tac gear, your heart jumps and you’re ready to leap to him, jump in his arms. Your heart and mind can barely process that he's’ really here. But just as instantly your brain reads the situation. He looks horrible. Drained. A shell of himself. You turn on the bedside light and see his eyes for the first time. They look nothing like the ones you are used to. No light behind them, cloudy, not right

You get up from the bed slowly, “Bucky?” you whisper quietly. A small sigh escapes his lips, and it cuts through your heart cause it feels like annoyance. You stay standing by the bed, feeling like there is a tension in the room that is impenetrable and it makes you feel sick. He walks to the closet, his body moving slowly and find yourself wincing. “Are you okay?”

Just as the words leave your mouth he starts to remove some of the belts and weapon holsters. You can see how he does it slowly, clearly in pain. This is what breaks the wall for you and you get to him quickly placing your hand on his shoulder. He immediately jumps.

“Don’t touch me.” he bites out lowly.

“I’m sorry….I’m sorry. Are you hurt?” you voice is small, wanting nothing but to be able to comfort him.

He chuckles coldly.

“...should we go to medical…”

“No.” his voice is loud and it rumbles through your entire body.

“Let me help you.” you whisper, trying your best to hold in your emotions. You didn’t know what to do. You didn’t know what was wrong. Was he physically hurt? Emotionally hurt? 

“I don’t need your help.” he says without making eye contact. You feel like a stranger. It feels like everything you’ve been through was somehow a dream, it somehow never happened. Because the Bucky you knew? The Bucky who hung out with your every single day while you were recovering? The Bucky who the last time you saw him spent the day cuddling you in bed before taking you on a perfect first date? He was not in this room.

He refuses to look at you, he’s just standing in front of his closet now that he took off some of his holsters. He’d made no effort to move since then, and the foot of distance between you might as well be a hundred miles.

“Bucky?” you whisper again.

“I didn’t think you would be here.” he says it flatly.

“You...you gave me access...and I missed you...so I’ve been staying here...should I not have been? I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood?” You feel your heart drop with every word. You were so sure of what you guys were, of what your potential was only a few hours ago. But now it all feels wrong.

His face doesn’t react. His body doesn’t move. This feels like a nightmare and you almost wish you could pinch yourself, but you feel like if you confirmed you were awake it would only break you more.

“Do you….do you want me to leave?”

“Yes.” 

You feel your mouth go agape. Your mouth is twitching trying to find words, but there are none. You need to be out of this room. You need to not be able to see him, to smell him, it's all too much.

Your feet carry you on autopilot because your brain is in no place to help you right now.

“Shit Y/N, I didn’t know you were here.” you can hear Steve say but you just keep going.

You don’t even remember getting to your own suite. But suddenly you are there and all at once you feel yourself break. You couldn’t understand. 

Your crying so hard you can’t breathe, your lungs are gasping for breath while you feel your face soaked with both tears and snot. 

_What the fuck had just happened?_

Your hands were shaking and you couldn’t help but just keep watching them twitch. You didn’t even know what you were crying about because your brain was going a mile a minute. Was he hurt? You couldn’t be mad at him if he was hurt. But even if he was hurt, why wouldn’t he let you help him. Why wouldn’t he talk to you.

Why did his eyes not look like him? Why did he look like he was in a haze? All you knew is that that was not Bucky. That was not the man that flirted with you while you were hurt. Not the man that laughed every time a drone came with food, but was still right there to help you eat it all. Not the man that put aside his own insecurities to work out in the main gym to help you. The man that kissed you in the bathroom and was immediately embarrassed by the location. The man that knew when you had a bad day after your first day of work. He just knew. And then he did everything to turn it right around.

Although your hands were still shaking, your tears and breathing were starting to turn to normal. You were just confused. _What the hell am I supposed to do?_

You were interrupted by a soft knock at the door. As it was still some god awful early time, F.R.I.D.A.Y spoke from overhead.

“Agent L/N, Captain Rogers is at your door.”

You could feel you looked an absolute fright. “Tell him I’ll be there in a minute.” You didn’t bother going to a mirror cause it would only make it more painfully obvious that there wasn’t much you could do to hide everything. So you quickly blew your nose and splashed some water on your eyes to hopefully take away some of the redness and grossness.

You opened the door slowly and could see Steve’s face looked much like you imagined yours did before you cried. Broken, tired, confused.

He looked down at you with slight pity, which normally you would have despised. But after the events of the last thirty minutes it at least settled your brain that you weren’t going crazy.  
You walked to the small kitchenette grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, unsure what your voice would be without it. You held it up silently asking if Steve wanted some but he quickly nodded no.

You unceremoniously opened and gulped down most of it. You looked at him, waiting for him to say something because you honestly had no clue where to even start.

“I’m really sorry you saw that with no warning, Y/N”

No warning? So this was a normal thing? A known thing?

“Sorry?”, confusion was dripping from your lips.

He sighed heading to your couch and you were quick to follow. But once you sat Steve didn’t seem to want to continue.

“Steve? Is he okay? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, no, I mean it was a long mission and everyone's a little worse for the wear, but we are all okay, him included.”

“So what the fuck is happening?”, you were so frustrated again you wanted to cry.

“It’s...It’s not nearly as bad as what you’ve probably been thinking.”

“You have no idea what I’ve been thinking because I have no idea what I am thinking. All I know was I was woken up by my boyfriend coming home and...and that wasn’t him!” your pointing at the ceiling. Steve sighed again. “Why are you even here Steve? Why even come if your aren’t going to tell me anything?!”

“Cause it’s not my story to tell.” Steve’s voice actually slightly raised. He rubbed at his eyes, he wasn’t looking very Captain America like. “I’m assuming you guys haven't spoken much about his past?”

“No….I mean I know some things….everyone does….but this is all still new and I didn’t….” He could hear the guilt in your voice. It was something you were curious about, but you guys were still new and you didn’t want to push him. Maybe you should have, maybe you had handled it all wrong. 

“No, don’t feel bad. I wasn’t asking for that reason. I just mean…. Bucky has a past. Clearly. And sometimes that past can be….overwhelming for him. It doesn’t happen all the time, and sometimes it’s just for a few hours, and sometimes it's for longer. But somethings can just remind him of his past. He tries his best to push through, but when it happens and the mission is over. He just closes himself off. We had no way of knowing this would be one of those missions. And we were all just so exhausted none of us even thought you would probably be there.”

Confusion turned to understanding and your understanding soon turned to determination.

“How do I help?”

Steve shook his head., “We don’t. It’s best to just let him get it out of his system.”

“No. That's not acceptable. You don’t just leave someone.”

“Believe me I know. You know I wouldn’t have come to that conclusion without trying everything I could think of.”

“Well you’re not me.”

\---------------------*****************----------------

When you entered his room again your heart sank. He was still standing exactly where you had left him almost an hour ago. Just outside his closet, just staring into the nothingness.

You closed the bedroom door with more noise than needed, just making sure your presence was known.

“I’m going to get the shower running for you.” He made no effort to move or respond, but the fact he didn’t do anything negative was enough reinforcement for you.

Once you had the shower on and running the perfect temperature you came beside him, quickly looking in his closet for something a bit more comfy. You grabbed some sweatpants, t-shirt and quickly grabbed some underwear. Boxer briefs. Not exactly how you expected to discover that. You placed them in the bathroom and was sure to make sure a towel was handy for him. 

He was still just like a statue. “Bucky? The shower is ready. You will feel more yourself once you’re out of this gear, clean and warm.”

He didn’t move a muscle. You wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, but you knew that wasn’t a good idea.

“Buck?” you got beside him, as close as you could without making contact. Still no reaction. You debated calling him Barnes, but felt that was too connected to the missions.

“Ja...James?”, his name tumbled out as a whisper. You could only hope.

He blinked hard and then turned to face you. His expression was still stoic, but you could see a slight flash in his eyes. You gave him a small smile.

“James.”, it was now easier to say, “Hear that? I have a super hot shower ready to go for you. Getting all this gear off, getting into your own clothes. That sounds good right?”

His head just slightly nodded. Quite honestly you could have imagined it, but it was something. 

“Just leave all your dirty stuff in there, I’ll deal with it later. You just go and get clean.”

He walked slowly to the bathroom and you were so happy you had to stop yourself from crying. Progress. Once he was inside you slowly listened through the door. It took a while but eventually you heard the sound of the water changing sounds. He was in.

You quickly got his room in order, having F.R.I.D.A.Y close the blinds but add a nice subtle light. Comfortable enough to be awake in, but low enough if someone wanted to sleep they could. You had the AI turn on some quiet music. You weren’t sure if music from the 40’s would help or hinder, so you just put on some of the slower newer music you had in your own collection. Barely there, just enough that there was noise.

You quickly moved to the small kitchenette Steve and Bucky had, grabbing some water bottles and protein bars. You had no idea how long it had been since he had anything to eat or drink.

When you got back to the bedroom you heard the water was off. You arranged his bed much in the same way he had done for you. God, that was the last day you saw him. You had to shake the thought from your head, today was not about you.

You turned as you heard the soft click of the door opening. Bucky was now clean, his hair dripping onto his shirt. You could immediately tell he was still within himself, but you could also sense you were going in the right direction. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been spending a lot of time here, I’m pretty sure I sucked all your smell out. I hope it still feels like home.” You pointed to the little nest you had created. The same place you had been sleeping only a few hours prior.

He didn’t move, but you were not deterred. You moved over to the small lounge chair that was in his room and sat down. You picked up a book you had blindly grabbed off of the bookshelf, knowing there was no way you would be concentrating on anything but him. But at least this gave him the idea that you would be staying, but giving him his space.

It took a few minutes but he finally moved to the bed. He sat down keeping his feet on the ground.

“I brought some protein bars and water. I may have also snuck in some chocolate bars. If you could eat one and have some water I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

You put your book back in front of your face to show you weren't going to stare - even though its all you wanted to do.

When you heard the wrinkle of a wrapper you allowed yourself a small hidden smile.

After you heard him eat at least 2 bars and one bottle of water he continued to sit in silence. 

“I hope you don’t mind the music, if there is something else you would prefer please feel free to change it. I just find the silence can be worse sometimes.”

No reaction. You peered over the book, he still sat motionless.

“So I’ve had a interesting few weeks….” and you began to just ramble about everything. About finding out how you had access to the elevator. How you knew at least some of the Avengers had placed bets on you. How you got drunk with Natasha, how over the course of the last few weeks you had become friends. You started sparring with her even though you were horrible at it, but she only mocked you slightly. You told him about horrible movies you had seen on Netflix when you couldn't sleep, and how you were torn on making him watch them or saving him from how bad they were.

Somewhere over the course of your non stop story telling you eyes began to feel heavy. Although you tried to fight it, and even found yourself doing the horrible head nod, at some point you eyes became too cumbersome and you must have dozed off.

You woke up to the feeling of being too warm, and as your eyes snapped open you saw Bucky standing over you. He had placed a blanket on you.

“You looked cold.” 

You were quick to rub your eyes, and although he still looked worn down and tired, his eyes were his again.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, it's me doll.”

You jumped up, only slightly fumbling with your legs now covered in the blanket. You wrapped your arms around his neck and your whole self felt the weight of the world come off your body as you felt him wrap around your waist, pulling you in almost uncomfortably close.

You pulled away running your hands on his face and through his hair. “Are you okay? I mean any injuries I should know about?”

“Just some scraps and bruises.”

You looked deeply into his eyes and only saw the truth.

“I’m sorry -” he started

“No. No. None of that.” You grabbed his hand and brought him to the bedroom door, positioning him in front of it, facing into the bedroom. “Now, you were there.” you held up your hand directing him to stay as you made your way back to the bed. Quickly lying on your side so you could still see him. 

“What are you doi-”

“-we are having a re-do. So you have just come home.” you smile while closing your eyes comically tight. You hear him give a small snicker and your heart swells.

He’s quiet, but you can sense him moving closer to you.

Suddenly you can smell him, he’s standing beside the bed and you feel his breath and he leans in, kisses your temple and whispers, “Doll, I’m home.”

You open your eyes with a wide smile. “Bucky!” You surprise him by jumping up on the bed and launching your body at him, wrapping your legs around his waist. He’s quick to catch you as you grab his lips in a searing kiss.

You capture his moan in your mouth, taking it in as if it was your oxygen. Somehow Bucky has managed to sit on the bed and your now in his lap. You pull away from his lips placing delicate kisses all over his face.

Now that he can breath again he shifts you both back so he can lean into the nest of pillows, which is so ridiculously built up that even with you on his lap you can keep your legs semi wrapped around his body.

Your both pressed so close to each other. But after three weeks away and what you had just went through it doesn’t feel sexual. It just feels like comfort. Like home. You both just need to be as close as possible.

You find yourself just staring into his face with a content smile on your face, while he does the same as his thumbs rub circles on your hips.

“I missed you so much.” you admit.

“You have no idea how much I missed you. Although it sounds like I may have to share you with Nat?”

You gave him a goofy grin., “Honestly I think at first she was just keeping an eye on me out of some unspoken Avenger bond. But I think I broke a tiny tiny crack in her scary scary shell and grew on her.”

“You do have the unique ability to do that.”

“So, you were just gonna let me foolishly find out I had access to the elevator?” you jokingly accused.

“I am a little disappointed Nat took the joy of that video away from me.”

“You know what this means right?”

“More bargaining where I owe you big time?”

“Oh sooooo much big time.” you smiled while curling into his neck.

He was stroking your hair, and you were stroking his neck feeling like there was no where else in the world where you should be.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.” his voice carried a vulnerability you had never heard before.

“You owe me nothing. I would like to know more. Like what I can do to help next time, but you have nothing to explain.”

“You helped so much. I don’t think I’ve ever come out that quick before. You pulled me out, I can’t thank you enough.”

You hummed in response, just happy to have him in your arms. All that fear and doubt that had been swimming in your mind earlier this morning was now completely gone and you were just trying to enjoy the bliss.

“You called me James.”

You pulled your head from his warmth, “I hope that was okay? Bucky wasn’t working, and I just felt like Barnes is what you’re called on comms… -”

He cut off your apologetic rambling., “I liked it. No one calls me that anymore.” he almost looked a little embarrassed at the admission.

“Then James it is.” you smiled as you kissed him again, and you could feel him smile as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awww James. Can I just say what a sucker I am for that trope? So I had to do it.
> 
> So as you may have noticed I updated the chapter count. Next chapter is the last one! BUT (come on you knew there was a but) I have begun to work on another story with the same reader universe cause I really am not done with it yet. I've already written the first chapter but it will not be posted until I'm done (or close to it)
> 
> This story was the one shot that exploded so I always felt like I was drowning a bit with trying to pump out chapters and I wanna take my time. But more on that when this one is done!!
> 
> As always thank you for reading/kudos/messages/reblogs I LOVE EACH AND EVERYONE ONE


	8. Chapter 8

You stayed in the comfort of each other for hours until both of your stomachs made it very much known that subsistence was needed.

“We need food.” you whined.

“But I don’t want to move.” he sighed contently.

“You don’t have to move, you take a nap, I’ll get food.”

His eyes were already closing as he mumbled, “That sounds amazing.”

You gave him a quick peck on the lips as you detangled yourself from his body and got up, his body quickly getting more comfortable in the bed.

You were quick to throw on his hoodie that you had claimed as your own as you made your way to the main Avengers kitchen.

The common area and kitchen were ghostly quiet. Everyone was clearly exhausted after the mission. Since you had been spending so much time up here you knew where everything was and knew what was in stock. Homemade mac and cheese sounded like the perfect carb right now. It was simple, cheesy and if anyone did make their way to their kitchen there would be tons available.

Once it was in the oven cooking you were just finishing up cleaning up the small mess when you heard a fake cough come from behind you.

“Mr. Stark”, you tried your best to great him professionally.

“Agent L/N, and it’s Tony”

“Well Tony then its Y/N.”

He gave you a cocky smirk. He looked you up and down in your leggings and obviously Winter Soldier sized hoodie. “I see you have made yourself at home.” His tone felt like that of a father who knew a secret. You could sense you were not going to like this conversation.

“I’m making homemade mac and cheese. Should be ready within an hour, feel free to help yourself.”

“I was under the impression that you were incapable of cooking. Or at least that would be an educated guess from the amount of droned in food that was somehow paid for by yours truly.” 

Dammit. This conversation had to be happening now when you had no one to help you out.

“Well at that time I was recovering, and your offer held no stipulations that I couldn't drone in food. So maybe you should take this as a learning experience Tony.” Your voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Ha! You are quite the little firecracker aren’t you. Honestly don’t worry about it.”

“I never said I was worried about it.” you retorted quickly.

Tony slapped the counter in exhilaration. “They said I would like you.”

“I seem to be quite the source of gossip among the superhero group.”

“I wouldn't sell yourself short there Y/N. I’ve seen your file, you’re one of the top techs we have here.”

“I am _the_ top tech you have here.” you corrected with a smirk.

He raised his eyebrows obviously a fan of your confidence. “I’m assuming since you are still up here and now cooking Elsa is feeling more himself?”

Although the nickname was not appreciated you could tell there was some awe in his voice knowing your answer would be yes. “Yes, James is just sleeping, but I figured some food would be good. For everyone.”

He nodded, not surprised by your answer but still obviously shocked. He rubbed his hands together, “Should I make a salad then?”

As you continued to clean and Tony was chopping, Natasha and Clint soon emerged in the kitchen. You gave her a knowing look as she pretty much shot daggers at you.

“I hope you are making enough for the whole class.” Clint asked while spying on what was out.

“Well that all depends. Were you one of the ones betting on me for when I would discover the elevator gave me access?”

“Uhhhhhhh.” Clint looked around for backup but only found Tony laughing and Natasha looking away. 

“Did she not tell you she won?” you tried not to laugh.

“‘Tasha?”

“Yeah ‘Tasha?” you mocked with her nickname she wouldn't let you use.

“Not a good idea to anger your training partner.”

“My gym buddy is back. So I don’t need you beating me up anymore.”

“He won’t spar with you. Too scared he’ll break you. I on the other hand know exactly how far to push to _almost_ break you.” the threat very real in her voice.

You held up your hands in mock defeat. “Geez Na-tasha.” she rolled her eyes at you but gave a small smirk.

You weren’t sure how it happened. Maybe it was just the right time, or maybe the Avengers were just not used to real food being cooked. But one by one they all made their way to the kitchen ready to enjoy the meal.

Steve and James were the last to arrive and when you caught their eyes, Steve’s were beaming, practically screaming his thanks to you.

“If some of you want to set the table, it just needs to cool for maybe 10 minutes and we will be good to go.” you said to no one in particular. You then turned to Tony, “I know it's not exactly dinner time yet, but you must have some good red wine hidden away for such a meal?”

“Not just good, _the best_.” his tone mimicking the conversation you had earlier as he walked away to wherever it was hidden.

Different members of the team kept going past you, grabbing plates, utensils, wine glasses. Clint and Sam were pulling beers out of the fridge, so you were a little surprised when you felt arms come around your waist from behind. His head slouched to lean on your shoulder.

“I thought you went to get us some food, how did it turn into a family dinner?” he joked.

“I have no idea. It’s like none of you have seen a home cooked meal before.” you laughed.

“You’re amazing.”

“Don’t get all soft on me.”

“Fine, you’re ridiculous.” but he said it with even more emotion than ever before.

“I know.”

You momentarily forgot where you were as you leaned your head so he could give you a quick kiss.

“Hey now!” Sam interrupted from the table. “No smooching over the food. Some of us want to eat that without your germs all over it.”

You felt James let go and knew he was probably giving the table a dirty glare, but when you sheepishly glanced over at the group all you could see was them giving you ridiculously goofy looks.

“I’m the one feeding you. You take what you can get!” you screamed back as you went to grab a towel to help you move the dish to the group. 

No sooner did you settle at the table when F.R.I.D.A.Y interrupted.

“Sorry to intrude but Agent L/N is needed urgently by Agent Peele.”

You immediately felt for your pockets and realized your phone was still in the bedroom. “Shit.” you whispered as you started to get up.

“I think we can tell Agent Peele it can wait -” Tony started.

F.R.I.D.A.Y cut him off ,“I’m sorry Mr. Stark but I must reiterate that Agent L/N is needed.” 

You could see Tony was a bit shocked, but you gave him a look of thanks as you got up to run to the bedroom.

You could make out the beeping even from the living room. “Shit, shit, shit.”

You did a quick glance as you made your way quickly back to the common room. It appeared the Avengers mission had brought back a lot of possible intel. But it was behind very complicated security systems so the whole team was needed stat.

You barely glanced back at the group as you quickly replied to Agent Peele, letting him know you just needed to change clothes and you would be there soon.

James caught up to you as you just got close to the elevator.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. You guys did your superhero thing and now it's time for the nerds to shine.” you gave him a goofy smile.

“You’ve barely slept.” He was right, since your unwanted wake up call at 4am you had pretty much been awake, minus a few quick cat naps. Even though it was now closer to the end of the work day you both knew Shield had no real hours. If there was a job the team would be working non stop.

“No rest for the wicked.” He gave you a broken smile in return, probably feeling unneeded guilt. “I’d say save me some but I don’t think there will be any.” you gave a small laugh as you could hear the rest of the groups forks and knives hitting their plates., “Just make sure you eat my portion too. At least I will feel a bit better considering it was always for you anyway.”

He squeezed your hand as you turned closer to the elevator. It was clear there was so much more he wanted to say, neither of you had expected your time together to come to such an abrupt end.

As the elevator opened you gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “Rest up okay, I’ll probably be working all night so don’t wait up.”

You were quick to hurry to your own room and throw on some appropriate clothes. You chose some of your looser pants and a plain black sweater, ready for the inevitable all nighter.

When you got to your office area everyone was locked in on their screens. Some were working in small groups, others had headphones on and were clearly in their own personal zones. 

Ugh, you should have grabbed the largest strongest coffee Starks drink machine could have made. You had to settle for office crap before you too plugged yourself in ready for a long night.

\-------******************---------------

You looked at the clock and groaned. It was close to 3am and your eyes and mind were truly feeling almost being awake for a full 24 hours. Some of the team took naps at their desks, others on the floor, a few lucky ones grabbed the couches. Some would risk going back to their own rooms for a few solid hours, but most of you knew all too well how hard it was to leave your own bed.

The files were encrypted on top of encryption with red herrings and programs designed to delete data if they were accessed the wrong way. If you were lucky enough to break through you then had to go almost line by line breaking it down further. So far some dates and locations had come to light which was enough to keep everyone going a few hours longer than you should have. It had been a very long time since you had been given the opportunity to potentially get Hydra information and everyone was hoping they would be the ones to find something useful.

Just as you were about to go for another coffee or possibly collapse on the floor, something jumped out on your screen. Those looked like co-ordinates. You were quick to call over to one of the analysts that was awake.

Within twenty minutes the screens around the room were showing surveillance. It was small, but it was clear there was some military personnel at the small unassuming warehouse your coordinates had pulled up. This was the confirmation the whole team needed to prove there was real intel buried in here. You just all needed to find it.

A few times you had fallen asleep for quick cat naps on your desk but finally at 11am your mind decided it had had fucking enough. Your vision was starting to blur and bright surfaces were haloing in your vision. Here comes a migraine. _Fuck_.

It’s not as if it wasn’t a surprise. No sleep, shit tons of caffeine and chocolate bars do not make for a healthy human.

Agent Hamilton was the closest agent to you that was conscious. “I’m going to crash for a few hours, I’m starting to get a migraine.” He nodded with sympathy. “Override my notifications if anything big gets discovered.” 

You quickly logged out placing a notice on your phone alerts that you were just needing to sleep off a headache. The downfall of living where you work. You may be able to take breaks when you need them, but especially with a project this big everyone was expected to push themselves to the limit.

You were quick to get back to your suite telling F.R.I.D.A.Y to enact your headache protocol. She immediately began to close all the blinds and turn off all unnecessary lights. You could already smell the lavender oil turning on with your diffuser. You took a deep breath hoping it could work a miracle. You kept your eyes partially closed as you found your Advil and quickly popped four. The stomachache would be worth it if it lessened the migraine.

You set your watch to vibrate in a few hours before getting a wash cloth damp with cool water to place over your eyes.

You didn’t even attempt to remove any of your clothes as you laid on top of your covers, hoping you managed to catch it before it got any worse.

\---------------------************************----------------------------

You woke up with a start with only one thing taking over all your senses. 

Your head was in excruciating pain. - and you were going to throw up.

You tried your best to keep you eyes closed as you stumbled your way into the bathroom. You managed to get there by feel alone as the remnants of your coffee and chocolate bars violently left your stomach. You were holding on to your head with both hands as it felt as if your brain was two seconds away from also leaving your body.

Just as you laid your head on the cool bathroom floor you heard him.

“Jesus doll, are you okay?”

You knew he was likely whispering, but as far as your head was concerned he was screaming. All you could manage was a quick shake of your head to tell him ‘no’, absolutely mortified. You couldn't imagine what you looked like right now, but the pain was quick to remind you that at this very moment, you really didn’t care.

Although time had no meaning he must have quietly left the bathroom and come back as you felt him gently peel your arm away from your eyes and replace it with a newly damp cloth. He was smart enough to know that flushing the toilet would be a bomb to you, so he very gently closed it. You felt him place a blanket on you, but you were honestly unsure if your shivering was due to the cold or just the blinding pain.

You felt him open your hand and put a water bottle in it, you mouthed ‘advil’ and immediately felt him place a pill in your other hand. He helped you sit up to take a few sips as well as the pill, then pulled your back into his chest so you were leaning into him. He put his right hand over your eyes holding the cloth, his hand large enough that his thumb and fingers were able to place slight pressure on your temples.

You focused on the warmth of his body, the relieving pressure his fingers were providing and the slight sway you rocked to as your body once again let you give in to sleep.

The next time you woke you were still in the same position, he was now the one doing the swaying though, so he immediately stopped when he felt you slightly tense. Although you knew you were still weak, and definitely still had a headache you needed to sleep off, you knew you had passed the worst of it as long as you took care of yourself.

You grabbed his hand over your eyes and cloth, giving a slight tug for him to move it away. As you slowly removed the cloth your skin and eyes were slightly overwhelmed with the feeling of air on them, but no nausea followed it. You kept your eyes closed, knowing it wasn’t smart to open them just yet.

“I’m a bit better.” your voice was low and horse.

“Let’s move you to the bed.”

With no effort at all he was standing up and helping you up. Easily picking you up and carrying you to the bedroom. Once you were settled and felt him pull the blankets up you, you finally slowly opened your eyes. It took awhile for the focus to come back and of course the room was still very dark.

He was tucked down on your side of the bed with his arms and face curled only a few inches from your own face. He gave you a tentative smile.

“I’m so sorry.” you started.

“What could you possibly be apologizing for?”

“You had a rough night this is the last thing -”

He immediately cut you off, his voice still a whisper but now a bit more stern. “We both had a rough night. The only difference being you helped me with mine already so now I’m helping you with yours. Plus I know I got a hell of a lot more sleep and food in me than you have.”

You smiled at him. Although you wanted nothing more than to keep looking into those gorgeous eyes, you closed your own not wanting to risk it. “Did I get any alerts on my phone?”

“That’s not important.”

“It is important, please let me know or I’m just going to check myself anyway.”

You heard him sigh in defeat while he went to grab your phone. “Ummm. It says headache protocol - no urgent alerts?”

“Good, that means no one found anything worthy of me needing to see it now.” Knowing you were still okay to sleep made you feel better immensely. “I’m going to sleep a bit more. You don’t have to stay.”

He answered you by walking over to the other side of your bed and crawling in. As you curled into each other you grabbed his hand pulling it under your chin. 

“Or this is better?” he asked

“So much better.” you sighed in contentment and could swear you could feel his smile into your neck.

\------------------************************------------------------

The next few days were spent working to the limit, trying your best to eat food semi healthy and taking full napping breaks - usually somewhere on the Avengers floor so James knew you were at the very least alive.

At this point the team had found you passed out on the kitchen counter, in the common room couch, and when you were feeling like you had a bit of extra time and not about to completely collapse you would make it to Steve and James’ living room.

You didn’t even acknowledge Steve as he sat on the couch reading something. You just laid down on the opposite side shifting your feet so they were against his leg, stealing his warmth.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the visits, but you do have a bed do you not?”

“Can’t go to a bed. Will sleep too deeply. Naps only.” You heard Steve click his tongue. Clearly upset. “Are you telling me you guys are well rested and fully functioning humans when your out on missions?”

“Well no.”

“Well this is my mission Steve. We may not leave the compound but we put in the work.”

“I guess, I just worry.”

“Thanks Cap.” you mocked pushing your face into the cushion.

 

“How long has she been out?” you caught James voice on the edge of your consciousness.

“Maybe an hour -” Steve started when you interrupted groggily.

“-not nearly long enough.” You kept your eyes closed, not yet fully willing to give up the idea that you could get some more sleep. You could hear both of boys chuckle as you felt James move a stray strand of hair off your face. You re-adjusted your feet against Steve and tried not to snicker as he gasped.

“How are your feet always so cold?”

You smiled in response. Just as you began the internal debate of pushing back into sleep, or waking up to talk to the boys your phone beeped loudly. You jumped up feeling your pockets trying to find it, blinking rapidly trying to wake yourself up instantaneously.

You read the message three times before allowing yourself to believe it. Agent Peele was calling off the twenty-four hour work days. Enough data was known that the analysts were working with what they had and the rest of the data would be split into proper projects.

You began to mockingly cry, “I’m free!”

You fell back on the couch sitting beside Steve, James was quick to sit on your other side as you tucked yourself into him.

“They are finally going to stop working you to the bone?”

“For now yes, they found enough to move forward.” And then the sense of relief was soon filled with dread. “Wait, does this mean you guys are going to be off on a mission?”

You looked to James who looked to Steve, so you turned your sad eyes to him as well.

“Umm, well, ugh.” Steve clearly had no idea how to answer. Being the Captain you were sure he was completely up to date in all the goings on of the compound. But you didn't have the clearance to know most of that information. Even downstairs as intel was brought forward everyone was shifted to new work as they discovered more information so you never really had a full story.

James sighed and answered for him, “At some point yes. But this one will be well planned out, and its not there yet.” You exhaled deeply, feeling like you could enjoy the feeling of your freetime again. “Should we get you to bed? Have a proper nap?”

You shook your head. “Let’s go for a walk.”

The fresh air felt amazing. You could feel it healing your tired body already. James had grabbed your hand once you were far enough away from the compound from prying eyes.

As if on cue the clouds moved and the last remainder of the late afternoon sun beamed down. You spread your arms open and closed your eyes, letting it soak right through you.

“I missed you sun.” you sighed contently.

You felt James tug on your hand, “And what about me?”

You turned to him allowing him to pull you close as your arms draped over his shoulders. “Well of course I missed you...it goes sleep, food, sun, sleep again…” you hummed in fake deep thought as his face squished up, “Stark’s drink machine and then you.”

“I’d pretend to be offended but we both always knew the drink machine came first.”

“The heart wants what the heart wants.” you smirked before his lips crashed on yours.

“My heart wants you.” He whispered between fevered kisses.

Once you made it back to his common room - thankfully Steve was training - the make out session turned a bit more serious.

“Do you believe in destiny?” he asked as you were curled into his side on the couch.

“As in fate and no free will?”

“Maybe? Or no matter what your choices somehow certain things would always happen?” His voice was low, and you could only imagine the thoughts he must have with his past.

“I dunno. I mean what work did the cosmos have to do to bring us together? That alone almost seems impossible.” you were unsure how to answer a question with so many hidden levels within it. James hummed and you knew you had to give him more. You wanted to give him more., “I think I’ve always leaned more to the multiple universe type thing. Where certain things even though they seem unlikely to happen, somehow find a way - again and again. Not always though, but it tries. Like somewhere there is some chubby cherub -”

“-some chubby cherub?”, he smiled and you felt better immediately.

“Yes. And his job is to make things happen. Just nudge things in the right direction. One day our file pops up on his desk, and he knows he has a challenge on his wings cause we are born a literal lifetime apart. But he keeps working the problem trying to figure it out. His methods aren’t always pretty, and we’d both be lying if we said we agreed with all his choices. But he does it, after who knows how many tries and paths, he gets us in the same year. Hell, he even gets us working for the same company and in the same building.”

“Except for well over a year we never speak a word to each other.” James laughs but you can sense his thinking about missed time and opportunities.

You roll your eyes at him, “So he’s so close this time, but we are both on separate paths. So then he just decided fuck it and has me get shot just to make it happen.”

He chuckles at your story. But you can see some sadness in his eyes. The past always just lurking.

So you continue, “Sometimes even though I’m not sure I believe it, I just like to think when something bad happens it's for a reason. Maybe not for me or now, or even this lifetime. But somewhere else me going through this thing is helping set the path for another version. I wish you never went through the path you had to go through James. I can’t even fully put into words how much I wish I could take it all away from you.”

“But all of that. That entire path. It led me here, to now, to you. I wish I didn’t have to go through it either, but I am really happy where the path has led me.”

“I love you James.” you immediately covered your mouth. Oh. My. God. You had not just said that out-loud. “Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that-”

“So you don’t love me?”, your brain so mortified you didn’t sense his teasing.

“No, of course I do! Wait. But.” your mind was racing and your mouth was literally spitting out verbal diarrhea as you finally saw his smirk.

He grabbed your face in his hands, “I love you too.”

“You couldn’t have said that twenty seconds ago?” you laughed before the words fully hit you.

You found your body straddling his on the couch, “Is that an official official I love you?” you laughed.

“Well I have no idea how to make it official official. Not sure how to add that to our list.” his eyes were beaming.

“Well it’s been on my list since pretty much the day you walked into the warehouse. Although it was that same fantasy list where I win the lottery too.”

“You loving me was on the same list as me seeing pigs fly.”

“Ha! You know I could probably get Stark to do that.” you laughed before kissing him.

In between kisses he broke out the words, “Well, for you he probably would.”

You loved James, and you loved the way your everything with him was. How something that could have been serious was instead filled with joy, laughter and mocking.

You ground your hips into his, eliciting a moan from both of you. James tried to break from your kiss, but you pulled him in closer gripping the hair closest to his neck.

“What are you doing?” he whispered breathlessly when you finally moved to kissing down his jawline.

“Making it official official.”

He groaned as he kissed down your neck, his hands roaming up and down your back. With each pass your hoodie and shirt would ride just slightly higher up giving him more access to skin on skin contact.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” No sooner was the fourth syllable out from your lips you felt your body rise as he stood up, your legs already locked around his waist. You giggled into his neck as you felt him begin to walk or rather speed walk to his bedroom.

As you crossed the threshold he turned to close the door but misjudged with your body on his and your shoulder lightly bumped the door frame. “Ow.” you laughed but soon found your lips back in his.

“Shit” - A kiss -“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you panted, “I have another one” You felt him smile against your lips.

You were a mess of tangled body parts as his legs hit the bed, although you both wished you were more graceful you automatically pushed forward causing him to lose his footing and fall back on the bed, taking you with him. His head hitting the TV remote that had been left.

You sat up on his thighs, “Oh my god are you okay.”

He rubbed the back of his head more in shock than any pain. He nodded ‘yes’ as he pulled you back down to his lips. The movement of leaning down must have caused your phone in your hoodie pocket to shift and you felt James jump as it dug into his stomach. He naturally pushed you off him slightly and rubbed his stomach while you felt in your pocket. “Shit.” you grabbed the phone and threw it off the bed. As you looked down to James he was trying to hold back his laughter.

“We’re a mess.”

“No, no, we are going to get this right.” You unzipped the large hoodie, balling it up and slamming it to the floor with unneeded flair. You quickly pulled off your shirt so were left in your bra and immediately moved your hands to the hem of his shirt and tugged up. He was only too eager to sit up enough to pull it off in one solid motion before laying back down and fully appreciating the sight before him.

“You’re beautiful.” he sighed, and as you looked into those gorgeous steel blue eyes all your insecurities melted away. You believed him with every cell of your body. His one hand was rubbing slowly over your scars from the bullet wound. Now just small raised pink lines. You unhooked your bra feeling brave with his words and gave him a wicked smile.

He returned it as his arms snaked behind your neck pulling you down to his ravenous lips. His skin against your chest felt like heaven and you had never felt more whole as you pushed yourself closer. His hands began to trail down your sides and you gave a slight giggle as it tickled, but the giggle was soon caught in your throat as he managed to grab your hips, flipping you both so he was now hovering over you.

He kissed down your body starting at your neck and slowly going down your breasts. His hands took turns massaging them as he slowly took the trail of his lips down to your naval. His lips quickly detoured to your left side, kissing the scars.

You bit your lip to hold back a moan as you felt him sit on his knees between your legs. His delicate fingers finding the waist of your pants and quickly undoing them. You did your best to assist him as he got your pants off, but then noticed he stilled.

As you moved your focus from his amazingly sculpted chest to his face you saw he was looking down at your underwear. You panicked for a split second wondering what he could be looking at when you looked down and saw you were wearing your pair that had a unicorn on them.

“What? You never see unicorn panties before?”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I know.” you sighed as you pulled him back down needing to feel his body on yours again. 

Your kisses became more desperate, no longer enough to satisfy. You locked your legs around his hips, feeling the rough material of his pants hitting your sensitive spots.

“Condom.” you managed to squeak out. 

James pulled away and you could see his face go blank.

“No, no you must have one.” his face just dropped even more. “Okay, well then Steve must have some.”

“Umm I am not asking Steve.”

“James.” you whined, desperate for this to move further. “He’s not up here, just go look in his room”

“I will not, he likely doesn't have any, and if he does that's just more questions.” You pushed your head back into the pillow. You knew him asking anyone else was entirely out of the question.

You began to sit up and although he let you, you could see his lust blown eyes were desperate for this not to be the end. You pulled him into a quick kiss before sliding off the bed searching for your dropped phone.

He watched you intently as your crawled on your hands and knees in only your panties.

“If mister super soldier wants to help me find my phone that would be awesome.”

He immediately pointed to it a few feet from where you were. You sat up on your legs quickly typing the message out as well as quickly changing some permissions with F.R.I.D.A.Y.

It took only a minute before your phone beeped and you got the confirmation you needed.

“This will be another you owe me big time.”

James eyebrows raised not really sure what you meant as his head snapped to the door. Someone was walking towards it. Before he could decide how to react you were walking to the door still fully exposed just as something slid under it, and then another, and then another. 

You picked up the three condoms Natasha had slipped under the door and held them up. Just as your phone beeped again alerting she had left their suite entirely and once again no longer had access.

“She’s going to make us pay for these dearly.” you smirked.

“I will gladly pay whatever price. Now get that gorgeous unicorn butt over here!”

You quickly jumped back into the bed. “Now, where were we?”

 

You both laid in each others arms fully sated and content, enjoying the afterglow. “You still not tired?” You could tell he was concerned.

But honestly you had never felt more awake in your entire life. “I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“How now would be a perfect time to finally do number two on our list.” you smirked as you looked up at him.

“Well you did get shot.”

“I did.”

“And I did promise.”

“You did.”

‘Well let’s get the jacuzzi going then.” he smiled as he kissed the top of your head before you sat up pulling him with you.

You were right. It had been the perfect size for two, and there was nothing better than taking advantage of Bucky Barnes and his jacuzzi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we made it to the end! Can you believe? I had so much fun writing this world and can not thank you all enough for your love and support.
> 
> I am working on the sequel but no ETA yet.
> 
> So my original plan was to do smut here. I've never done it and wanted to challenge myself. But OMG is it HARD (pun pun pun) But yeah, super duper kudos to those that write it, it's truly an art form. So instead I gave you the more realistic not romantic at all version - which kinda worked out better anyway lol
> 
> Leave me your comments and kudos - it keeps me going (it really truly does)


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